***

Now that this year is brand new
Time to think what it is you might do
With twelve months that are ripe
You can moan, groan and gripe
Or make more of your life-dreams come true…

***

E.M. Swift-Hook

Father Time his heavy scythe set down
Upon his face there was a weary frown
“This race of days and months and passing years
Is bringing less of laughter more of tears.”
Beside him stood a golden youthful lass,
She smiled and said “You know that all things pass.
From every tear that waters all those woes,
Comes Wisdom and ways to defeat life’s foes.
Each passing year and month and every day
Is building Hope and finding a new way.”

But Father Time his head he still held low.
“What use is that if all we love must go?
If every blessing deep within its core
Bears the curse that it will be no more?
How can we smile and laugh and dance and sing
When death and loss are all that Time will bring?”
The youthful maid did soothe his furrowed brow
“What matter time to come, when we live now?
The future may hold more than you yet see
And even Time’s own curse may one day cease.
Why weep what hours and days and years away
When you can fill with laughter each new day?”

Then Father Time did smile and with a sigh
Picked up once again his heavy scythe.
“You speak the truth, dear Hope, so as we walk
We’ll laugh and smile and jest and share and talk.”
So hand in hand did then they take the road
With Hope relieving Time’s so heavy load.
And in their footsteps, shy Wisdom did steer
To bring with joy this Happy New Year.

E.M. Swift-Hook

Pearls of wisdom from an octogenarian who’s seen it all…

Advertisements

Specifically. Advertisers who don’t expect readers to know their arse from their elbow. And. Copy writers who don’t know squat about what they are writing 

As an example – Gluten-Free Bakes (which is very praiseworthy). But what is the very first offered delight?

Christmas Pudding

Since. When. Have. You. Baked. Christmas. Bloody. Pudding.

You steam it….

The best dog food in the world. Treat your doggo. Then it says Lucky the Labrador loves our food.

Only the Lucky in the photograph is a Golden Retriever. Not. A. Labrador. 

*Sighs and reaches for a bottle of something fortifyingly high in alcohol*

… or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago

dauy (adverb) – of speech, sounding as though one has a mouthful of marshmallow

definitle (descriptive noun) – an author’s struggle to find a suitable title for their magnum opus

denoucne (noun) – sticky toffee that is so chewy you can’t talk for three hours

dispure (noun) – a pretend virgin

fugure (verb) to make a column of figures add up to a different total every time you try

hisnts (noun) – male genitalia 

moght (adjective) – of cheese, moist and vaguely oscillating

noticeded (adjective) – pertaining to cake or bread – being without seeds

pitol (noun) – small biting insect related to the headlouse found in cracked toes

priotitise (adjective) – having one breast bigger than the other

thy seel (archaic) – yourself

waiitng (noun) – antipodean bird whose call sounds like an old Nokia phone

They thought of themselves as wolves in human skins as they roistered and pillaged and stole. Their granite tower at the edge of the world rang with coarse laughter and its storerooms bulged with gold and precious gems.

When their dark horses boiled out of the hills those who could run ran, and those who could hide hid.

Until the day they came no more. 

One brave man walked for days, to find the black basalt walls of the tower had grown silent and cold.

Inside there was only the smell of blood.

In the woods a single wolf howled…

©️jj 2020

It’s that time of year again when we at the Working Title reveal our top ten best reads of the year. Please bear in mind that this list is not an exclusive list of all the great Indie books out there – or even all the great indie books we have read this year. It is a well-considered recommended reading list of books we have really enjoyed in the last twelve months, consciously spanning genres.

The main thing is we recommend these books wholeheartedly and if you have yet to read them you should consider doing so if they are in a genre you enjoy. So, onto the list. This is given in alphabetical order of author name and there is no ranking. All are stonking good reads!

The Working Title Blog 5 Star Golden Reads for 2020

Fated Encounters by Stephanie Barr
A little book of prequels that makes you want to know more about the characters.

Ctrl+Alt+Deleted by Trish Butler
A taut, spare police procedural with a twist.

Wings of Earth: 1 – Echoes of Starlight  by Eric Michael Craig
The start of a gripping hard sci-fi space opera series.

The Humility of Humans by Chrys Cymri
The concluding volume of the astonishing Penny White portal/urban fantasy series.

A Twist in Time by Brent A. Harris 
Dicken’s Oliver Twist has a time travelling steampunk adventure.

The Elixir Deception by Margena Adams Holmes
A clever fantasy starring a prince, and a pilot on a rollercoaster ride.

Tales from the Pirate’s Cove from Inklings Press
Shiver your timbers with pirate stories from many genres.

Emma’s Story by Nils Oland
Simply beautiful writing, this read like an old Norse myth.

Steel and Claw by Melonie Purcell
The second in the World of Kyrni series, a fabulous fantasy aimed at younger readers but awesome for all.

The Organised Author by Cindy Tomamichel
A brilliant companion for every indie author, packed full of good advice.

And here’s to another year of great reading in 2021!

Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook.

The crater was perfectly circular, and the thing that sat in it was white metal and as featureless as a lump of rock.

Sightseers were disappointed as it did nothing except creak and groan as it slowly cooled.

In the end, even the army left, certain this was no more than an unusually smooth meteor.

A thousand miles away they finished building their land bridge and swarmed the defenceless city.

Of course the thing in the desert looked nothing like a spaceship. Because it wasn’t one.

It was a diversion which allowed the invaders to take us without a fight.

©️jj 2020

Take a peek into The Lizard Lords of Jupiter by the self-proclaimed queen of exotic sci-fi Venus N. Uranus.

It seemed that they were only just in time as the doors opened fully. The round-faced woman entered, and bowed all but double.
“The Mushir Szzrt.”
Cyrus bowed and Clea curtseyed.
Kerenza kept her eyes on the floor.
“Look at me,” the voice was oddly sibilant, but commanding.
She lifted her eyes and had her first sight of a lizard soldier. Her mouth went dry with fear. He was about seven feet tall with blue scaly skin and a thick muscular neck supporting a narrow reptilian head. He was dressed from neck to ankles in black silk bound with gold, and twin sword hilts were visible over the massive width of his shoulders. The eyes that regarded her with cold antipathy were so light as to be almost white, with vertical pupils and nictating membranes that constantly moved across their surface. He stared at her in silence and she felt a blush rise from her neck to her forehead. After what seemed a very long time the mushir turned his attention to Cyrus.
“Have the high lord’s instructions been obeyed?”
“To the letter, Mushir.”
“And what are your observations, flesh trader?”
“She is a ripe little thing. It would be an honour and a pleasure to break that one to harness.”
“Ssskrrt,” the lizard made a strange noise in his throat. “Indeed.” The sibilant voice was dry. “Is it intact?”
“Yes lord.”
“Display it. I am ordered to ascertain its condition.”
Cyrus snapped his fingers…

A Bite Of… Venus N. Uranus 

We had three questions only to learn a little more of this enigmatic lady.

Question one: How much of yourself is in the heroines of your so-loved books?

Very little. But had you asked how much of my villains lives in my own breast the answer might have been more illuminating.

Question two: What is your favourite indulgence?

Ah. Champagne, I guess. Or possibly silken underwear.

Question three: Chips or doughnuts?

Neither child. One has an aversion to calorific snacks. The figure is above all importances.

At which point we had to retreat to the door as she began throwing shoes at us – shoes with sharpened six-inch stiletto heels…

Other works by Venus:

Animal Passions on the Ark
As the Ark flees a dying earth Captain Twerk and his crew are sucked into a dark sensual vortex from which only the prayers of a thousand virgins can rescue them. As far as we know they are still there… 

Boinking for Freedom
Captain Tumescent Schlong and his Martian sidekick Wan Ka Dribblefloop save the universe with nothing more than KY Jelly and a swivelling hip action

Candles for Callisto 
Two nuns and a redundant space cowboy carry the Candles of Callisto from their hiding place on earth to the Venusian temple where their ignition begins a multiverse-wide orgy that lasts a thousand years

Dominant Destroyer 
Captain Selfie the Daandehoopian Dom and his faithful retainer Whippin’ Winnie beat the universe into submission with the aid of a bullwhip and a large silicone appliance

Katie the Qlingon Kleptomaniac 
Aboard the prison cruiser Thrust, the only way Katie can avoid the attentions of Big Brenda and her blue banana is if she can become the prey of Captain Rutt Bigthong and his dog Sniffa

Marianna and the Testicles of Mars
How a silicone-enhanced glamour model saved the known universe using only the power of her ‘mind’ and a secondhand toothbrush

Neptune’s Nymphos
When the good ship Sphincta lands on Neptune, the male crew members quickly find themselves sold as sex slaves. Heaven? Or Hell? You decide…

Pulling Poseidon 
The starship Donkey Parts is pulled into the orbit of a dark planet. Only the pulchritudinous Petunia Petals and her Venusian nose flute can save the day

Saturnalia on Saturn
Space explorer Thea Throbscuttle may have bitten off more than she can chew when she crash lands her flitter in the middle of a very rowdy midsummer party. Only the satyr Longtongue can save her, but what can she offer him to secure his aid?

The Virgins of Venus
Deep underground in the Caverns of Hi’Men live a thousand young women who have never seen a male in their lives. When the tunnelling machine breaks through the wall of their prison even the prodigious Throb Loverage is forced to flee for his life

Venus is a retired pole dancer and rectal explorer who now earns a living by writing, and knitting decorative merkins for ladies who are bored of their Brazilian. You won’t find her on social media because she is too busy penning her next exotic sci-fi bestseller or participating in the SETI program…

((WTB Ed. Note – We think the underling who put this piece together might have made a repeated typo in their use of  ‘exotic’))

We are small, and they find us unappealing so they subject us to hurts in the name of their science. 

When we die they write it down, but care not that they have killed us.

We are pacifist at heart, and even when they kill some of us and spread us on others we do not retaliate.

But we will not help them. 

We will not chase and eat the virus that is killing their young.

Why should we?

They kill us without a thought as the virus kills them.

Some days we wonder whether or not they will survive…

©️jj 2020

Built upon an asteroid, these mighty habitation towers are the final stronghold of humanity in a star system ravaged by a long-ago war. Now, centuries after the apocalyptic conflict, the city thrives — a utopia for the rich who live at the top, built on the labours of the poor stuck below…

Home was her sanctuary — their sanctuary. It had been hers alone for so long that Joah could never have imagined sharing it. Then she’d met Zarshay and the naturalness of the sharing had been something she still found strange. It was beautiful, wonderful, amazing, but very, very strange. Their lives enlaced in many sweet ways, enhancing each aspect: work, leisure, friendship, sex.
“You know Heila has been for lunch with a guy from Undergrove Promotions?” Zarshay murmured.
It was so not the kind of topic Joah would have chosen for post-sex warmth and cuddles. She heaved a sigh and sat up, reaching for a throw-on wrap. “All right, if you want to talk about it now. I really don’t mind.”
She heard a snort of amusement from behind her on the bed.
“You are the very worst liar I know. You can’t act worth a thing.”
Warm arms embraced her and for a moment she considered giving in and lying back down again. But it felt wrong to be bringing the stress of day-to-day life into their bedroom.
“If we need to talk work,” she said, turning, “I’d rather do so with a strong drink in my hand.”
Zarshay grinned, her face suddenly that of the mischievous teen she had been when they met.
“Always,” she agreed.

They sat in the windowed alcove of the apartment, on a cushioned couch, taking in the glorious vista of graceful towers and the spans between them, small vehicles dipping like living creatures in the air between.
“Is it serious?” Joah asked.
“For Heila, everything is serious: everything is a melodrama and everything is always on the edge of catastrophe.”
It was, Joah thought, a pretty astute assessment.
“So, we may lose her?”
Zarshay wrinkled her nose in doubt.
“Maybe. But you can’t forget about the Dog factor. There is the huge Hengast and Heila thing all over social media. She loves that and—”
A soft buzz broke into their conversation. Heila looked at the unfamiliar contact details on her phone, then accepted it. It came from the upper floors, which meant it was unlikely to be any kind of time waster. She flashed the screen at Zarshay as she answered, and the other woman’s eyebrows rose.
“Joah Meer Productions, how can I help you?”
“You the people who make Starways Pathfinders? Good. I’m Dain Strand, a personal aide to Toros Strand, and I want to talk to you about a very special project we have in mind.”

Star Dust by E.M. Swift-Hook, originally appeared in The Last City, a shared-universe anthology. This version is the ‘Author’s Cut’ and differs, very slightly, from that original. Next week – Episode 0101