…. or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago
aminal (noun) – the knitted thing dragged around by a toddler which it can never be persuaded to part with for long enough to be washed
chocies (plural noun) – the best chocolates in the box
eithert (noun) – the face pulled by drunk people lighting the wrong end of a ciggy
hampet (noun) – a small furry rodent, genetically engineered to be uber cute
horriblt (noun) – foul mouthed hobbit
insprit (verb) – particularly of toddlers to insert any foreign object in the left nostril. Example: The inspriting of his sister’s craft beads caused Peterkin an uncomfortable interlude in A&E
jakstrap (noun) – piece of S&M equipment of whose uses I wot not
kow (noun) – ungulate animal with a pouch and an udder
mulchy (adjective) – of gardeners boots being rendered three sizes bigger by the addition of a mixture of thick clay and well-rotted manure
noludar (noun) – delivery driver whose satnav has picked up, often found crying in a lay-by on the B793 near Harrogate
relaly (adjective) – of getting pissed again on coffee after a heavy Pernod night
sandles (noun) – extra springy love handles
tatstes (noun) – slightly overripe gonads with an odd odour
upshit (verb) – in deference to those of gentle sensibilities I will merely explain that this refers to the bodily functions of those inebriated enough to be face down in a gutter
Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.
My ‘sandles’ take offense to this. 😛 I’d share this, but I have a number of friends who would unfortunately take this seriously since they are learning English.
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