The Working Title crew bring you the opportunity to enjoy again this wisdom from the mysteriously enigmatic Madam Pendulica… You can listen to this on YouTube.
Aries is the cuddliest of star signs, which makes its affinity to horror very surprising. The Arian reader will gravitate to children’s literature or hardcore scary. Nothing in between.
Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris. Creepiness and sheepiness
Recommended bedtime story for your Aries child
Anything woolly and cuddly. Knitting patterns read slowly ensure peaceful rest.
Taurean readers are stubbornly fond of maps. Give them an atlas or a big fat fantasy tome and they will be happy for hours.
They would say Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien, although most of them won’t have bothered to read it all. Closer to the truth would be The Hobbit
Recommended bedtime story for your Taurus child
Print out a route from your home to John o’Groats and read it slowly turn by turn.
The astrological twins are continue to be a conundrum wrapped in a question. They are fascinated by mystery and contradiction. Never offer a Gemini reader ‘happy ever after’: they don’t believe in it.
The Fated Sky by E.M. Swift-Hook or, indeed, any of the Fortunes Fools oeuvre. The sheer complexity of the imagination keeps even the Gemini cynic rapt
Recommended bedtime story for your Gemini child
Purchase a book of mathematical problems and read them out in your most soothing tones. Even Geminis will get so bored they nod off.
Cancerian readers love a book that comes at them out of left field. They spit upon the ordinary or predictable. What they desire is shell-bursting and psychedelic prose that makes them want to scuttle away and hide. If they ever get to understand a book they abandon it forever.
Under Milk Wood by Dylan Thomas, and Catch-22 by Joseph Heller, and the poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke
Recommended bedtime story for your Cancer child
Nonsense verse, or, failing that, a cookbook that is heavy on crab recipes. They may not sleep, but the little sods will be quiet.
Lazy Leo likes an easy read. Nothing challenging is considered. Ever
The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe by CS Lewis. Or any of the Narnia Chronicles. Leos do like to see themselves as the hero
Recommended bedtime story for your Leo child
It doesn’t matter what you read. Just replace the hero’s name with the name of your small lion and (s)he will fall asleep with a beatific smile.
Virgo readers like tidiness in life – and in literature. For them a book must have a beginning, a middle, and a happy end. Bonuses are awarded for good use of punctuation.
Anything by Miss Austen or E.F. Benson’s Lucia series. A little waspishness helps every Virgo reader’s day
Recommended bedtime story for your Virgo child
Anything with a strongly moralistic viewpoint. If you can find a story where the annoyingly prim and creepy child comes out on top so much the better
Libran readers like to be puzzled and to pit their wits against both the writer and the antagonist. They get very annoyed by slipshod grammar.
The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle or any of Agatha Christie’s Jane Marple stories.
Recommended bedtime story for your Libra child
Nothing too trendy or humorous. We recommend reading logic problems. Slowly
Scorpio readers are intelligent, short-tempered and easily bored. A book has one page to catch the interest of a Scorpio or (s)he is not going to bother. They like complexity of plot and deep meaning to discern.
His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman or Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse stories. Sweeping fantasy always does it. That or sexy vampires
Recommended bedtime story for your Scorpio child
Just read them whatever soft porn their father is currently into. They will feel special and slightly smug, and they might even go to sleep
Sagittarian readers are hard to please, being intelligent, principled, and a tad dour. Do not expect a Sagittarius to read erotica with anything other than a moue of distaste. They do, however, like evil to get a good thrashing.
The Redwall Chronicles by Brian Jacques
Recommended bedtime story for your Sagittarius child
The lives of saints and martyrs have the right moralistic and self-satisfied tone. Practice reading unemotionally
Amiable, clever and organised. Capricorn tends not to read fiction. They like logic, explanation, and hard facts. And diagrams…
Instruction manuals. Yes. Capricorn is the sign that reads the instructions first!
Recommended bedtime story for your Capricorn child
Do not ever read to Capricorn children. They are far too bright, and they are perfectionists. Be warned. Having your pronunciation corrected by a toddler is a chastening experience
Most Aquarian’s will tell you they are too busy to read. Then they will sneak off somewhere with a favourite book and be gone for hours. They like light reading, with defined characters.
Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K Jerome or The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. Or anything about water….
Recommended bedtime story for your Aquarius child
Purchase a copy of their business statistics from your local water company. They will be enthralled.
There are two kinds of Pisces readers. Those who like a nice light romance or warm children’s tales. And those who want psychological horror of the most harrowing description. We are looking at Lovecraft or Barbara Cartland. Often in the same person. Odd…
The complete HP Lovecraft or The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson or Bolded Hearts by Jane Jago. Nothing between the two poles will do
Recommended bedtime story for your Pisces child
There is no perfect Pisces story. The best you can do is read from a random book, and if the child argues hit it with the book.
Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…
My dear Madame Pendulica,
I relish your analyses, and the recommended bedtime readings are hilarious. Thank you.