Domina Livia’s Saturnalia Hints for Young Matrons V

A wise matron’s advice and guidance on how to survive the five day season of Saturnalia with domestic joy and harmony…

The Saturnalia Candle 

At least one of hubby’s little chums will think it the height of wit and sophistication to procure for your household a Saturnalia candle in the shape of an erect phallus.

This candle will be anatomically correct in every detail. Save one. It will be at least three times the size of anything you would ever encounter in real life.

To deal…

Clap your hands over your mouth in pretended shock and point to a place of honour on a side table. Where Pontius will place it carefully – so proud of his understanding little wife.

When they have all buggered off to The Game, fetch your electric hair dryer.

A warm breeze strategically aimed will soon induce the thing to curve in such a manner as to suggest erectile disfunction.

Never mention it…

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