A wise matron’s advice and guidance on how to survive the five day season of Saturnalia with domestic joy and harmony…
The Death’s Head at the Feast
Your beloved will come equipped with at least one female relative whose sole function in life is disapproval. She will form an unholy alliance with your own Great Aunt Lubricia (she of the mouth so small and pursed that you have always wondered how she manages to eat quite so much festive fare) and they will sit in the warmest corner staring and mouthing proverbs.
There is only one thing to be done. Send your youngest brother over with a jug of ‘fruit cup’ liberally laced with whatever clear spirit you have to hand. After a pint each they will fall asleep in an untidy heap of bones and hair pieces leaving the rest of you to enjoy Saturnalia as you wish