Today we have an interview with Jane Jago who is bringing out her latest book Who Pulled Her Out? Aside from being my co-conspirator in the creation of The Dai and Julia Mysteries, Jane is also an incredibly talented and prolific multi-genre author, writing everything from epic length novels to poetry, (including hilariously dirty limericks) and daily drabbles.

1. After a career that was more to do with catering and camper vans, What prompted you to get into this whole writing thing in the first place?

I have been writing poetry and fiction since I was old enough to hold a pen. Never stopped, although earning a living rather got in the way. Kept writing throughout. An example being a pantomime for the staff to perform when I was a school cook.

2. Why did you choose to self-publish rather than try the traditional route?

Because I could, and because it gives me ultimate control.

3. Thinking of Who Pulled Her Out? and it’s forerunner, how much of you do you feel there is in Joss?

Oh heck. I don’t know. You’d have to ask somebody who knows us both. But there are some things – like we both know how to cook, both love our husbands completely, and both have big dogs…

4. The way you write some of the interactions between Joss and her family and friends in both Who Put Her In? and Who Pulled Her Out? makes a reader feel as if they are right there with them, sitting around the table. How were you able to accomplish such immersive writing?

It’s a case of putting yourself in your protagonist’s head. Once you do that you can write from the heart of the character. Immersion follows naturally. It helps if you think you’d like to have a beer with your hero or heroine….

5. You write across genres, but if you had to pick which is your favourite genre to write in and why?

Probably verse. Poetry in all its forms satisfies me immensely – from serious verse to naughty limericks it’s all a particular delight.

6. Is there ever anything you hope readers will gain from your books, other than pure entertainment and does that play into the choices you make for plot and character behavior?

I’d like to think that my books reflect a sense of justice, and I guess that must play in the choice of plot and the way my characters react.

7. Have you ever consciously written other people you know into your stories, friends, family or enemies and where do you get your characters from if not?

No. I don’t think it would work for me at all to write ‘real’ people. I’m not even tempted by the idea of killing off those who irritate. However, I’m very sure that there are bits and pieces of those I love in many of my characters. And where do they come from? Honestly I know not. I must have a fertile imagination.

8. Several of your books include very characterful dogs. How much of their characters are based on your own special Dog or on other dogs you know?

Oh well. Dogs. In general I prefer them to humans. And Stan and Ollie are modelled loosely on a pair of German Shepherds who owned us some years ago. But Stan and Ollie might be a bit better behaved.

9. What advice would you offer to anyone starting out on the journey of being a writer?

Just write it. Write what you want to read. Write it as well as you possibly can. Listen to criticism and advice, but in the end it’s vital to be true to yourself. And if you have the opportunity, get yourself a Scooby Gang. Mine is the best in the world. I’m raising a metaphorical glass to Ian Bristow, L.N. Denison and E.M. Swift-Hook – Scooby Dooby Doo!

Since Who Pulled Her Out? is out today could you share with us an extract of one of your favourite scenes?

We were interrupted by the sound of bare feet slapping on floorboards and the twins erupted into the room.
“Uncle Mark. Uncle Mark.”
He dropped to his knees and opened his arms receiving two small wriggling figures against his chest. The girls kissed him and wound their  arms around his head and neck.
“What you doing here? Mummy never said you were coming!”
They turned identical versions of the stink eye on me and I couldn’t help grinning. Mark laughed out loud.
“Mummy didn’t know I was coming. It’s a surprise visit. So stop giving her evil looks.” He must have tickled their ribs as they collapsed in a giggling heap. After a few moments making a great fuss of one of their favourite adults, Roz looked at me.
“Mummy,” she said firmly, “it’s not nice sleeping in your clothes, you wake up feeling all sticky and fowsty”.
“You do,” Ali concurred, “and we wonder how Stan and Ollie manage in all that fur”.
“Easily. They are dogs and dogs don’t sweat. But you two could go and have a soak in my bath if you would like. I’ll even authorise bubbles.”
“That would be nice, but it takes ages. Will Uncle Mark still be here when we finish?” Roz eyed me sternly.
“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
Roz rotated her head in a way that made her look a bit like an owl. She scowled at Mark before taking his face between her pink palms.
“If me and Ali go and get clean will you still be here when we come back?”
“That depends on Mummy. If she promises to feed me later I could stick around.”
Both heads swivelled and the twins fixed me with a glare. I found myself laughing at their expressions of wanton menace.
“Yes. Yes. I’ll feed the big lump.”
The girls were instantly all smiles and Mark stood up with them in his arms.
“Oof,” he grunted, “you two are getting to be a proper pair of fatties.”
While my daughters were wreaking their revenge, Stan and Ollie came out of the bedroom and walked to the front door where they stood shoulder to shoulder swishing their tails. Sure enough, a green Discovery slipped into view with Benny at the wheel. The twins wriggled and Mark set them on their feet.
“Daddy, Daddy,” they ran pell-mell for the door, but were blocked by a pincers movement from the German Shepherds. Ollie growled softly and the girls stood still.
“You two big bullies could let us out,” Ali grumbled, “we won’t get runned over”.
The dogs, however, remained immobile until Ben parked the Disco and slid out of the driving seat. Once his feet were on the gravel they let the girls go, standing and watching as they careered over to their father. He bent and scooped them into his arms.
“Daddy, Daddy. Do you know what Uncle Mark called us?”
“No. What did he call you?”
The girls turned faces of round-eyed disbelief towards Ben.
“He said we was fatties…”
Even from where I was standing I could see the crows feet at the corners of Ben’s eyes deepening as he fought the urge to laugh. But he manfully beat it down and was able to respond with proper indignation.
“Did he indeed. I shall beat him with a stick and order him never to darken our door again.”
The twins crowed with delight and Ben strode inside with a chattering twin on each arm.

Who Pulled Her Out? is out today in paperback and ebook.

Jane Jago lives in the beautiful Westcountry with her large dog and her favourite husband (yes, he’s large too). She spent half her working life cooking, and the other half editing other people’s manuscripts. Both these occupations seemed to take up a large proportion of her waking moments, leaving little or no time for the stories that filled her imagination.

But time moves on and it became possible to squeeze out the odd hour here and there to get some words onto ‘paper’. Her first book The Long Game took nearly two years to write, principally because the characters kept doing unexpected things requiring rewrite after rewrite.

Since then, Jane has learned that the story as it begins in her head is unlikely to bear very much resemblance to the finished book. Equally, she has learned to enjoy the journey, as her characters take her to places she never knew existed while they play out their lives on the page in front of her.

She had a long-legged, sensuous walk and the hair that swung to the middle of her back was the colour of ripe apricots. His fangs itched. 

But he hid his lust, merely engineering a meeting at the bar, and engaging her in casual conversation.

When the lights finally dimmed, he took her hand and offered a lift home. Beauty nodded gravely. 

In the back of his limousine he leaned towards the pulse in her long, white throat.

A scream of mortal agony brought people running from every direction, but they were too late. The stake had entered his heart…

©️jj 2018

The next morning at breakfast, Anna was a bit shy, until Ted looked at her rosy cheeks and took pity on her.
“Your house” he grinned “and anyway you weren’t that noisy. I was right next door and all I heard were a few giggles. This is an old house with thick walls. Just don’t try it in a Travel Lodge.”
Even Anna joined in the laughter and was able to hand out pieces of wedding cake and kisses with her usual equanimity as most of their friends piled in to an assortment of vehicles and headed home. The Cracksman clan, having enthusiastically accepted an invitation to lunch, had temporarily retired to the annexe to give Anna and Sam a few moments’ privacy.

Sam looked contrite.
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you love.”
“You didn’t. I did it all by myself. Anyway Ted set me straight.”
“He’s one of the good guys isn’t he? When you think about Justine, it’s a miracle he is so sane.”
“Yeah. I’ve often thought that. He says it could be the defining feature of his life, but he decided not to let it. He can’t ever forget that she’s his wife, but equally he won’t let her condition stop him living.”
“Brave man. If it’s not too nosy how did Justine get like she is? Is it some form of dementia?”
“No. Brain injury. Justine always boasted she could ride any horse that God put legs on. She insisted on getting on a half-broken bronc in Arizona and it got spooked. Threw her. Head first. Her head hit a rock. At first they thought she’d die. But she didn’t. She has been in her twilight world for the better part of two decades. And she could easily live another thirty or forty years. It’s beyond sad…”
“It is. Though I did notice Ted whispering sweet nothings in Carrie’s ear last night.”
“Me too. But you don’t need to worry. He’ll have been straight with her.”
“I figured that one out for myself. And she’s an adult. And he’s a lot nicer than the assholes she usually takes up with. The last one broke her arm before throwing her out of her own house into the street. Luckily, Geordie was visiting Mrs J. He found Carrie in the gutter. Went and had a few words with lover boy. Who left the district with his tail between his legs and a few bumps and bruises of his own.”
“Geordie probably had fun.”
“Oh. He did. And. Did you notice how he looked at Patsy? If Jim wasn’t so bloody big I reckon he’d have made a play for her.”
“She’d rip his head off and shove it up his bum.”
“That I’d like to see. Now. Shall I help you to clear up?”
“No. I’ve got that. But you could scoop up Danny and Paul and take Bon Bon for a hike.”
“I could indeed. But it seems a bit unfair. Whyn’t you take Bonnie and I’ll clear up?’
“Oh. You are a nice man. But no. I need to prepare lunch. And I like doing that, so it is a fair division of labour.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am.”

By the time Sam, Bonnie and the boys got back from their walk, Patsy was sitting at the kitchen table chatting to Anna, and the Cracksman males were engaged in a game of Australian Rules football.
“Sam,” Patsy she said a bit diffidently. “I hope you don’t mind us here today.”
“No” he grinned engagingly. “My idea. I’d like us to be friends. Just as long as you remember Anna is all grown up now. But I think you noticed that already.”
“I did. It’s a good thing. It’s just that…”
“Just that she had it hard, that her own mother nearly killed her, that she’s a very wealthy woman and you’d hate it if some chancer was after her money. And so forth.”
Patsy looked at him with dawning respect.
“Yeah. All them things. Plus, I really, really do like her a lot. Enough to piss off if my being around will stuff up her new life.”
“And why would that be?”
“Well I ain’t exactly classy.”
“I dunno. I reckon you are exactly what you are and I can respect that.”
“You might. But what about other people?”
“Stuff them. I learned to ignore people’s opinions from a very early age. My grandfather was Jamaican, and Granny was Chinese so I had plenty of shite thrown at me. I decided pretty early on that the only sensible response is ‘fuck you, then’. I choose my friends where I find them. Maybe you and Jim will want to befriend me. I certainly hope so.”
“Mixed race, eh! Explains why you are such a handsome devil,” Patsy grinned.
Jim had wandered in from the garden and piped up.
“Well, we’ve all had stuff flung in our faces then. Pats got council estate and a sister who has a whole quiver-full of kids by various men. Anna got council estate and mad mother. I got gyppo and pikey. And you got the race stuff. I reckon we ought to stick together. Here’s my hand on it.”
Sam’s hand was lost in Jim’s huge one as they shook hands, and Anna smiled at them.
“You lot finished bonding?”
Patsy smiled happily.
“Yeah. I reckon we have. Your man actually gets it doesn’t he?”
“He does.”

Danny went to the garden door.
“Get on you lot,” he commanded, “I, for one, am starving and the smells in here are enough to drive me mad.”
Paul laughed behind him.
“Shut up fatty.'”
Anna howled with laughter.
“That’s you told bro. Just come and have a drink for a minute. I’ve  opened a bottle of champagne.”
“Champagne, eh? What’s the occasion?” Sam asked genially.
“I dunno,” she shrugged her elegant shoulders. “I just got in the mood for champagne.’
“Good enough for me. Is it the pink stuff?”
“No. That’s not proper champagne. And it’s as cheap as chips.”
“Is it? I like it better than any other champagne I’ve ever had.”
“Well. I’ll open a bottle of that if you like it better.”
“I can open it myself. You don’t have to wait on me. I’ll get spoilt.”
Anna rubbed her face in his broad chest.
“You can’t spoil perfection,” she said as Paul made retching noises.
“No champagne for rude little boys,” Sam said with a grin.

Jane Jago

She was tired of doing her best. She’d raised her husband’s children, run his farm, and tended his broken body after they brought him home on a hurdle. But he had died last winter.

So here she was. Forty. Unwanted.

Her husband’s son had made it clear there was one offer, and she was expected to accept it.

A shadow crossed her vision and she looked up at the portly, and unromantic, figure of the village baker.

He held out his hand almost shyly and she took it. Rising to her feet she stood shoulder to shoulder with her future.

©️jj 2018

Hail the harrowed pumpkin!
Tormented, scraped and cut,
Your entrails ripped out from within,
To bake pies with your guts.

Hail the hallowed pumpkin!
Thy glorious grinning face,
Carved from the orange of your skull,
Brings grim mirth to this place.

Hail the hollowed pumpkin!
Upon the doorstep set
Your eldritch light and feral look
Will guard the household yet.

Hail the hero pumpkin!
When brightly lit your grin
Doth scare and freet uncanny beasts
And keep us safe within.

E.M. Swift-Hook.

The opening of Who Pulled Her Out? the new book from Jane Jago which is now available for pre-order.

It was a beautiful May morning, but my life was currently being rendered hideous by my five-year-old twins throwing simultaneous epic tantrums. I wasn’t even sure what the screaming was about. I had been feeding the dogs when Ali started to whine, and I turned around just in time to see Roz slap her sister quite hard. Then they both began to scream. The dogs looked at me with deeply reproachful eyes, so I put their food out on the back patio. They went in evident relief, which only left me with two red-faced and hysterical children to deal with. I looked at them for a moment then came to a decision.
I filled a large jug with icy cold water. I was just lifting it out of the sink, when a masculine hand came over my shoulder.
“Allow me.”
My beloved, and normally wholly even-tempered, husband walked quietly over to where two of the loves of his life were screaming like demented banshees. He poured the water over their blonde heads. Miraculously the screaming stopped. Ben waited a beat then spoke very quietly.
“People who behave as badly as that the moment their Daddy’s back is turned should be very grateful he isn’t a spanking sort of a man.”
Then he turned on his heel and left.
The twins sat as if turned to stone and I let the enormity of what had just happened sink in.
It was Ali who found her voice first.
“Is Daddy very cross?” she breathed.
“Sounds like it to me,” I said briskly. “Now is somebody going to tell me what all that was about?”
But of course they couldn’t. It had come over them and they could no more explain than they could fly. They just shook their heads and looked at me with round eyes. Roz even went so far as to stick her thumb in her mouth, even thought she hadn’t sucked it for months. I tried to keep my own expression sober as I looked at their woebegone faces, but I wasn’t proof against the pleading in those big eyes. I held out my arms and scooped the two wet little girls into a hug.
“We’re sorry Mummy.”
“Never mind sweethearts. Let’s get you dry and calm.”
Half an hour later, we were at the breakfast table and the twins were eating porridge. The dogs were in their baskets and peace and quiet reigned. Ben walked back into the room on soft feet and two spoons stopped moving in two bowls. He crouched down between them.
“You two all better now?”
They nodded and he put an arm around each.
“You still cross, Daddy?” Roz quavered.
Ben smiled and kissed each rosy cheek.
“No I’m not cross. Don’t worry my loves. I know you didn’t mean to be naughty.”
Ali clutched his tee shirt in one small hand.
“We didn’t. We wasn’t meaning to be bad, but once we started we couldn’t stop.”
“I don’t expect you could. But there’s a lesson for you both. Don’t be silly. Because it is very hard to stop once you start.”
The twins studied his face carefully and he winked at them. They hurled themselves on his chest and he stood up with one little girl on each arm.
“Have you said sorry to Mummy.”
“We have.”
“Then let’s forget all about it. You two finish your breakfasts.”
He put them back in their chairs and they picked up their spoons. At a quirk of his eyebrows I got up and walked into his embrace. As I leaned in he bent and whispered in my ear.
“Fancy a day off? We can keep the brats out of school and take them for a good walk in the forest.”
“Yeah. I was going to suggest keeping them home anyway. There’s something not right about them. Even before the screaming fit I was concerned. They are unusually clingy, and when I went to wake them this morning Roz was in Ali’s bed.”
“I thought it was just me being fussy Daddy.” He watched the two blonde heads with a worried frown.
I looked out of the open door and across the garden to the flat that was occupied by our chef and good friend, Neil, his wife Stella and their two daughters Ellen and Sian. If I ever needed Stella’s input on parenting it was now.  As I opened my mouth to say who knew what my phone demanded my attention by screaming ‘bugger me boy’ in the voice of a parrot. The twins cracked up, covering their laughing mouths with their hands. I could feel the tension oozing out of them so I forbore to comment on my latest ring tone, merely picking up the call. It was Stella.
“Joss,” she said without preamble, “there’s something going on at school you need to deal with. Sian has been obviously worried, if tight-lipped, for a few days. I thought she had been naughty at school but it ain’t the case. I just wormed the problem out of her. You know that your girls have a new teacher, but what I’m sure you don’t know is that she has taken them in dislike. Sian says she punishes them all the time. Now, it seems, they aren’t even allowed to sit together in the dining room. Sian says it’s a crock of shit, and I reckon she is right enough so that I haven’t even said anything about her language.”
“Thanks Star. Tell Sian not to worry. Me and Benny are on the case. The twins can have a few days off while we get it sorted.”
“Good thinking. I’m keeping Sian home today, too, she’s right out of sorts.”
She ended the call and I looked at the phone with some dislike.
“Girls, can you eat your breakfasts quietly while I have a little chat with Daddy?”
“We’ve finished our porridge, Mummy, and isn’t it time for the school bus?”
I found myself floundering, but Ben rescued me smoothly. “You could go on the bus, or you could have a sneaky day off with Mummy and me.”
The twins beamed at him. “Shall we go and take our uniforms off while Mummy talks to you?”
“You do that. Jeans and sweatshirts for a walk in the forest.”
They shot off and Ben looked at me sombrely.
“What is the big worry? You are as pale as a ghost.”
I told him, and then watched as he found and dealt with the white hot rage he felt at the thought his daughters were being victimised.
“What do we do, Joss? What the hell do we do?”
“First we need to find out more about what has been going on. Then we take steps. If it means home schooling Roz and Ali for a year then that’s what we’ll do. First job, though, is a chat with Sian. Can you manage that without letting her see the berserker flare?”
“Have to don’t I?”
“It would be best if you could, because you are much closer to her than am I.”
“Okay. But walk first. Let’s let everyone settle. Meaning me primarily.”

Who Pulled Her Out?  by Jane Jago is released on Monday 29 October!

Ellath. Conceived on a tombstone in a frenzy of drunken lust. Nobody’s child, who grew daily in beauty. Men watched her through the corners of their eyes, while women hated her. 

Until the crops failed.

Ellath lay bound to the altar, with her mouth tied, watching the fat priest’s fingers fumble about her.  The doors of the Sanctuary opened with a great crash, and that which stood there breathed the cold of winter. The villagers cowered in deathly fear.

When they dared look, Ellath and the old god were gone.

They swear she laughs at them from the north wind.

©️jj 2018

Why is that table square? he said
I saw it round inside my head
Desired no corners nor no edges
No dusty angles, awkward ledges

I wanted clean and modern lines
Not something square from olden times
I ordered glass and shiny legs
This travesty the question begs

Did anybody take the time
To read at all my bright design?
Why is the bloody table square?
It should be round, and over there…

©️jane jago

Namaste, my disciples.

It seems that there are still some people out there who appreciate the value of good, old-fashioned, solid advice. I recently heard from Stephen who had just been appraised of my overly generous offer to provide helpful solutions to less worldly-wise and experienced authors, struggling with the minutiae of the literary life.

It’s hard to believe that authors weren’t queuing around the corner for this kind of positive reinforcement. You just can’t please some people. If I may lay a humble question at the feet of the omnipotent IVy:

What should an up and thrusting new author do when they become tired of being ignored by their publisher; when even the hammer blow of e-rhetoric fails to smash its way into their ivory tower? Should they:

1. a) continue with fortitude
2. b) continue with attitude
3. c) find another publisher
4. d) bomb their building?

I brace myself for the wisdom in true author style (with fingers rammed firmly in ears and accompanying la la las), just in case said wisdom is in danger of hitting the mark.

This is a question many of us face in the early days of our authorial journey. Myself, I foresaw the possibility in advance and took careful steps to circumnavigate the entire issue by simply not having a publisher.

Admittedly, I considered the idea. But the incredible lack of appreciation those who I did approach showed for my – now universally acclaimed – literary masterpiece, rapidly convinced me that they were not worthy of receiving a slice of the riches it would be earning. I shook their dust from my feet and took the high road into the perilous mountains of self-publication.

Perilous but liberating.

The freedom to say what I wish to say in the way I wish to say it. To share of my artistic genius in the most intimate of relationships with my readership, not filtered or separated by layers of PR. Heart to heart. Mano a mano. That is the only way to be.

For me.

But it is not a way for the weak or the ignorant.

So, for you, dear Stephen, I offer you solution (e). E for the essential epitome which proves the perennial panacea for your problem. Nix that publisher and instead of touting your books desperately for approval to another, find one you can pay handsomely to provide the service you require. Then, as their customer, you will be king and they will be bound to answer your emails, phone calls, texts and all other communications. But be aware this extra level of service may also carry an extra charge…

Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV

If you have a problem you may avail yourself of one's wisdom by posting your problem to me through my Facebook presence.

Adoring Fans can join my Facebook Group.

The corset made her waist so tiny it could be spanned by a man’s hands. 

The Photographer saw her across a crowded comicon – and ended up following her all through the day snapping picture after picture of her hourglass silhouette and the ridiculous top hat she wore with such panache.

It was past time to breathe, she thought, as she leaned against a convenient wall waiting for the lift to where her car waited. He waited too and they stepped into the lift together.

When the lift doors next opened there was nobody inside – only blood and a discarded corset.

©️jj 2018