Take this exclusive opportunity to explore the mysteries of the zodiac through the wisdom of the esoterically enigmatic Madam Pendulica…
Aries
The ram runs with the flock so eats whatever cake fashion dictates is the new best thing ever!
Favourite Cake
Currently matcha and mint blondies with coconut frosting. Enough said?
Taurus
The bull has a natural affinity for dairy produce in all its forms, and finds choosing a favourite difficult with so much creamy lushness out there. However…
Favourite Cake
New York style cheesecake with chocolate sauce and thick cream holds a special place in the Taurean heart.
Gemini
The twins in a Gemini very rarely agree, leaving those born under this sign in two minds about everything, but on the topic of cake they are unanimous (almost).
Favourite Cake
Battenberg for its commitment to duality, although they’re still arguing about the flavour combinations.
Cancer
Cancerians like cakes with a shell. Madeleines dipped in chocolate. Choux buns hiding cream inside their crispy skins. Etcetera.
Favourite Cake
And what cake fulfils this fetish to its fullest extent? The macaron in all its weirdly textured colourfulness. A crisp shell with a slightly chewy centre, sandwiched with an inappropriately flavoured crème patisserie. Think Parma violet macarons with beetroot crème.
Leo
The lion wants a manly sort of cake. Nothing namby pamby and light. Give lions a mountain of belly filling calories with no nonsense and they are happy.
Favourite Cake
A big lump of heavy fruit cake with inch-thick marzipan and royal icing so hard it has to be approached with a chainsaw. To be served with an equally heroic portion of crumbly cheddar cheese.
Virgo
The sign of girlishness and precision. Of perceived delicacy and refinement. If asked Virgoans will suggest a liking for tiny petit fours, and not too sweet amuses bouches.
Favourite Cake
In reality nothing excites the virgin like a very very large doughnut oozing bright red jam and smothered in enough sugar to bury the whole dining room in a layer of whitishness that crunches underfoot.
Libra
The Libran scales can often be thought to represent a disciplined attitude to food and a devotion to the body beautiful. Which is only the case as it pertains to other people.
Favourite Cake
In the real world the Libran pantry contains many boxes of something inaccurately described as ‘French fancies’ – these being cubes of sponge cake liberally bedaubed with water icing and very sloppy buttercream. All the sweetness with no effort beyond opening a packet.
Scorpio
While the scorpion confesses to a passion for very dark chocolate, single malt whisky and champagne truffles, their darkest secret is an addiction to their…
Favourite Cake
Sticky toffee pudding with clotted cream. Eaten in bed whilst watching soft porn.
Sagittarius
Cake? No cake for the fitness fanatic of the zodiac! The Sagittarian washboard stomach admits to nothing remotely cake related. Honestly! None!
Favourite Cake
The archer can be brought to tears of guilty gratification by a portion of Black Forest Gateau.
Capricorn
For the goat, who laughs at anyone who suggests self restraint as an admirable personality trait when one could be leaping to the highest peaks of desert delight, cake is to be enjoyed whenever it is offered and in as large a portions as possible.
Favourite Cake
Victoria sandwich filled with waterfalls of raspberry jam and mountains of vanilla buttercream, smothered in soft white snowy icing.
Aquarius
The water carrier is a creature of carefully constructed habit, clear and defined moral stances, and simple tastes.
Favourite Cake
Lemon drizzle served with English Breakfast tea. Or, for the southern hemisphere, lamingtons and a tinny.
Pisces
The fish is smooth and slippery in its daily life, but is given to moments of fighting fate for all it is worth when the stakes are high, just like salmon swimming upstream to spawn. The Piscean attitude to cake is much the same.
Favourite Cake
Mostly Pisceans enjoy the smooth simplicity of an egg custard tart, but on the days when they rail against the exigencies of fate nothing will suffice save a triple chocolate layer cake – served with chocolate sauce, ice cream, and thick yellow Jersey cream.
Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…one day!
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