Madam Pendulica Explores the Zodiac – Underwear

Take this exclusive opportunity to explore the mysteries of the zodiac through the wisdom of the esoterically enigmatic Madam Pendulica…

Aries

The ram likes softness and warmth, and doesn’t mind if things get a bit greasy and smelly

Ideal Undies
Woolly long johns (cashmere for preference, but any wool will do).

Taurus

If asked, the bull will loudly disavow any interest in anything as girlie as underpinnings. But the facts speak for themselves and a drawer filled with frilly lace gives lie to bullish disininterest.

Ideal Undies
Anything from Victoria’s Secrets

Gemini

The astrological twins look both ways, so penchants for both plain cotton and gold lamé characterise the terrible twosome.

Ideal Udies
Carefully unremarkable white cotton for weekdays. On weekends nothing is too extreme.

Cancer

Cancerians can be excessively crabby about underwear, and more than a little fetishistic about the shell that camouflages their genitalia.

Ideal Undies
A leather thong with attached chains.

Leo

The lion needs to shake its mane and anything interfering with that noble ambition is a complete no no.

Ideal Undies
The lion goes commando proudly and no matter what the weather.

Virgo

This is the sign of virtue and organisation. Virgoans need to see themselves as immaculate in every situation and would shun any item of clothing not pertaining to personal crispness.

Ideal Undies
Anything pristine, blindingly white, and absolutely asexual..

Libra

The Libran balanced psyche demands comfort with a side order of chic and slippery sexuality.

Ideal Undies
Silken camisoles and French knickers for the ladies. Raw silk body skimming trunks for the boys.

Scorpio

The sharply sexy Scorpion hides the sting in its tail under a carefully curated appearance.

Ideal Undies
The juxtaposition of leather and lace fits the complexity of this signs character and how it chooses to express its individuality.

Sagittarius

Being of an athletic disposition, the archer looks to technical fabrics and modern designs, and requires its underwear to be both serviceable and sleek.

Ideal Undies
Sports bras. Lycra shorts. Perspiration wicking fabrics. And colour blocks.

Capricorn

The goat enjoys food and pleasures of the flesh with equal hircine abandonment. Which means that underclothing needs to be both loose and of luxurious texture.

Ideal Undies
Silk and cashmere vest and pants with no pretension of style, but every evidence of luxury.

Aquarius

This star sign, born when the winter weather is often at its most harsh, requires that the scaffolding beneath its outer garments is of sufficient ability to keep any kind of weather at bay.

Ideal Undies

PVC catsuits are de rigeur for water porters of any gender.

Pisces

The fish is sleek and slippery, which makes it hugely surprising that this sign prioritises comfortable underwear above any image enhancement.

Ideal Undies
Old and much washed. Female panties will probably be a little lacking in the elastic department, and male underpants may sport the odd hole in the testicle area. Both lots will be faded to a uniform and comforting shade of grey.

Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…