… or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago
belive (imprecation) – the opposite to be dead
cocnern (noun) – unreliable dildo
defrentiate (verb) – to unfriend in a history group
egnlish (noun) – language of ladies who lunch
extatic (adjective) – applies only to men watching porn – exceptionally happy
gate hred (noun) – man who sits in the road by the gatehouse exposing himself to passing women
hiar (verb) – of upper-class twits to rent a posh car
improtent (adjective) – of high value but sexually incapable
jealsoy (noun) – thick salty sauce
legmue (noun) – knee that appears to be pulling a face
lubmer (noun) – person who thinks he’d like to be a sailor but is sick when he puts too much water in the bath
nuremous (adjective) – of families, possessing many rodentine offspring
obnexyus (adjective) – having a very long neck
raibb (noun) – a weapon that shoots death rays and pieces of potato
seeance (noun) – three old ladies with a ouija board and a bottle of port
tuaght (adverb) – of speech, clipped and mildly threatening
tuseday (noun) – day on which it is legal to kill annoying people
vergin (noun) – pure young woman who doesn’t eat meat
vigenar (noun) – lady bits
yur (noun) – the way year is pronounced by any royal correspondent on television
zologoist (noun) – supernatural creature that manifests itself during seances by farting
Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.
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