… or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago
ahde (noun) – marsupial with a very short memory
blubbly (noun) – the colour of belly button fluff
borwn (verb) – to drone on endlessly about one’s prostate, or the bowls club, or any of the other preoccupations of men of a certain age
cahmring (noun) – cock ring for mechanical beloved
desret (noun) – what’s left on the sweet trolley by the time it gets to your table
dulcking (noun) – monarch with little personal charm
fukle (verb) – to play folk music on a home-constructed instrument
grmmra (noun) – ancient language akin to Ogham with very strict linguistic rules
liek (noun) – floppy vegetable, used a lot in BDSM
mayrt (noun) – type of country dance heavily reliant on pink sweaty farmers wearing big boots and very little else
muthaflic (exclamation) – word from bowdlerised swearing thesaurus beloved of yummy mummies
nomral (adjective) – small, pink and plasticy
omifok (exclamation) – see muthaflic
practive (adverb) of motion crabwise but very fast
qwen (noun) – specialist stick with beer tops nailed to it, used only in the performance of the infamous stick and sharpened clogs dance
syutable (noun) – surface on which fortune teller lays out tarot cards
talkign (verb) – moving mouth but making meaningless noises
tochis (noun) – stuff found between unwashed toes
uncommen (noun/adjective combo) – uncouth males
vrgni (noun) – goat of indeterminate years and such evil temper that no human has ever been able to get close enough to even attempt a guess at gender
winnim (group noun) – the ladies of the WI after ‘bring in your homemade hooch’ night
znorin’ – (verb) what the winnim are likely to be doing well into the morning after BYHMH night
Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.
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