Internet Trolls

Big Eric wants a word. He’s a troll. About eight feet tall and in possession of muscles on his muscles. He may not be too bright, but he’s afraid of nothing and adheres to a very strict code of conduct.

If Eric doesn’t like you he will mostly ignore you but if you persistently get on his norms he will seek you out and, pointing a thick finger at your face, he will say, slowly and clearly, “I don’t like you.” (At which point, if you have even half a brain you will back off and stop twisting his tail.)
If you carry on after a warning he will come and find you again, and he will probably chastise you with one of his big, knobbly fists.
If you have something he wants he will ask you nicely (of course, if you don’t hand it over he still has the option of a fist or his club)

Given the above you can perhaps see why he’s not best pleased by the phrase ‘Internet Troll’.
To his way of thinking people who hide behind keyboards, false identities, and cutesie avatars while they lay into anyone who disagrees with them do not deserve to be called trolls. They are, he avers, worthless cowardly pieces of oooflah (trollish for excrement).

Don’t dignify those whose only function in life is to make other people miserable by calling them after a life form possessing a certain brutal nobility.

No. Let’s find another phrase.

How about cowardly assholes?

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