… or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago
achnor (noun) – a Caledonian person who says no a lot
brillaint (adjective) – of hair, shined and glued into place with brylcreeem
cramine (noun) – the peculiar colour all the washing turns when you put a red sock in it by mistake
defetas (adverb) – of speech or singing, loud, flat and with one of those accents that removes two vowel sounds
dilemna (noun) a long-legged coot-like bird characterised by an inability to make up its mind
foor (adjective) – poor in the terms of reference of the very rich in that one’s children have to attend minor public schools and one cannot afford more than one divorce
hosematre (noun) – pedagogue who beats pupils with a hollow length of rubber
jamsine (adjective) – sticky and bright red
jusat (adjective) – smelling vaguely of old socks and Vimto
lineger (noun) – underwear that smells like a chip shop
morgin (adjective) – grumpy and prone to spitting
omouf (adjective) – of lipstick, misapplied so it slips over the edges of the lips
sinnic (noun) – a person with no charm and little intellect
totamo (noun) – yellow fruit with hard skin that tastes like stew and smells like sick
upsdie (noun) – a dice that only throws sixes
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