Granny’s Thirty-Eighth Pearl

Pearls of wisdom from an octogenarian who’s seen it all…

Tights

That’s ‘panty-hose’ for those of you who live on the wrong side of the Atlantic.

I have never, in all my years on this earth, ever managed to get a pair on comfortably. 

Either one of the legs is twisted thereby cutting off the blood supply from the crotch down. Or there is a twist somewhere in the middle which results in a peculiar looking pattern and blue toes. Or the body bit is so long that it is necessary to pull it up over the boobs resulting in a Quasimodo-like silhouette. Or, worst of all, the bloody things crawl up your bum where they act like cheese wire.

And – as for having a wee…

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