Mrs Jago’s Handy Guide to the Meaning Behind Typographical Errors. Part XXVIII

…. or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago

affrection (noun) – the fondness a male feels for his partner while his penis is turgid

chocoalte (noun) – high caused by the overconsumption of Cadbury Flake

defract (verb) – not to reflect

ehter (noun) – one who believes a kebab is the cure for all evils and later loses same kebab in the gutter someplace 

friedns (noun) – crispy bits of chip and batter from the bottom of a deep frier

frisustrate (verb) – to cook bacon until it resembles roof slates

gassropper (noun) – smaller relative of the praying mantis that lives on the smell of farts

lifst (adverb) – of walking, to lift the feet very high and put them down gently as if creeping upstairs drunk

meman (noun) – northern expression indicating the speaker’s husband

osmat (noun) – prayer mat for antipodean use

pruitan (adjective) – of dress, spectacularly slutty

recongise (verb) – to throw dog toy again

reserach (noun) – little-known dialect spoken among the nomadic peoples who roam the western borders of Germany

sxe (verb) – to establish the gender of baby rats

topato (noun) – vegetable, not one of five a day, always served fried 

wehat (noun) – small headgear

zbeu (adjective) – having the texture of elderly porridge

Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.

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