Mrs Jago’s Handy Guide to the Meaning Behind Typographical Errors. Part XXII

…. or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago

bibed (noun) – shared sleeping space often mildly smelly

chike (noun) – small bird with a piercing cry and a yellow beak – that leaves behind it the unmistakable odour of burned custard

cycnical (adverb) – of doing chores, to do two minutes hoovering followed by twenty minutes on Twitter

earleir (adverb) – of the insertion of earrings: missing the hole

graet (verb) – to remove hard skin from the toes with abrasive paper

hopig (noun) – sexually indiscriminate sow

midwintert (adjective) – of weather, being cold and with the sort of fog you can chew

miselry (verb) – pertaining to singing the poking of one finger in the ear whilst harmonising

oment (noun) – phenomenon similar to a crop circle, occurring in baked beans and portending ill luck  for short red-haired women

reain (verb) – of colonials rediscovering their Caledonian roots

relif (noun) – raised pattern on ankles caused by too-tight socks

sensibel (adjective) – of shoes both practical and pretty

supermatket (noun) – very absorbent doormat available in kit form from a very famous retailer of kits

unfortuante (noun) – maiden aunt with a very good moustache and halitosis

welld (verb) – to repair stuff with a hot glue gun (badly)

Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.

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