…. or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago
agnoy (noun) – pain caused to head by the repeated losing of one’s shit
becaise (noun) – handbag in which to carry insects
bretsa (adjective) – of politicians, unintelligent and noisy, often venial and basically dishonest
differnet – (noun) a branch of the Internet wholly concerned with arcane magics
flase (adjective) – of adolescent boys having a great deal of testosterone and no outlet except exploding zits
geak (noun) – the nose of a computer savvy teenager
hopw (noun) – native American tribe with Welsh connections
menatlly (adverb) – of looking at women as if they are food
mucyh (adjective) – of cookery getting the whole kitchen covered with a fine film of flour
secude (verb) – to exude a weird kind of sexuality with a particular emphasis on slippers and cardigans
srop (noun) – very heavy cough medicine with much sugar
tantarula (noun) – dance performed by woman who sees a spider in her bathroom
unsuirable (adjective) – beyond belief, as in ‘I’ve never had any surgeries‘
werble (verb) – to sing off key with a finger in one ear, most often heard on open mike nights at folk clubs
Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.
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