The Working Title crew bring you the exclusive opportunity to enjoy more wisdom from the mysteriously enigmatic Madam Pendulica… You can listen to this on YouTube too.
Aries children are the cuddly lambs of the zodiac. They are warm, charming and utterly without aggression or ambition.
Managing your Aries child
Just lead. They will follow.
Taurean children are sturdily stubborn. They won’t argue with you, but equally they won’t listen to a word you say.
Managing your Taurus child
Get between them and their ultimate gaol and wave your arms about. This sometimes works.
The twins are a conundrum as one side of your child’s complex character will always be obliging and persuadable. Sadly, the other half will spend all it’s waking hours looking to outwit you.
Managing your Gemini child
Dot every i and cross every t. And hope. Unless your Gemini offspring are actually twins, in which case the best advice is to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Complicated and convoluted of thought, your Cancer child will sneak past you at any given opportunity, and may well nip your arse in passing.
Managing your Cancer child
The ostentatious opening of a large jar of mayonnaise may function as a deterrent to the worst behaviours.
Lazy, handsome, amoral and fond of sleeping in the sun. A Leo child will be untroublesome, but also unhelpful and invisible if there is any heavy lifting to be done.
Managing your Leo child
Just scratch his belly, he will roll over and play dead for hours.
Virgo children are prim and often humourless. This is the only birth sign that voluntarily tidies its bedroom.
Managing your Virgo child
Just tell her how perfect she is. They bask in praise and will bend over backwards if compared favourably to their siblings.
Libran children are calculating and weighing up the opposition is their forte. No Libra child will pick a fight with a low probability of victory.
Managing your Libra child
Just make sure they know you are bigger and uglier than they are.
Scorpio children are intelligent, charismatic, humorous and wholly unprincipled. They are capable of the most monstrous behaviour couched in such a way as to render you speechless with laughter
Managing your Scorpio child
Good luck with that foolish notion!
Pointedly principled, Sagittarian children can be relied on to ask embarrassing questions in public places, in very loud voices.
Managing your Sagittarius child
Remember that the centaur has two stomachs. These children may be instantly bribed with chocolate.
Amiable, clever and organised. You can’t keep a goat anywhere a goat doesn’t want to be. On the plus side they are not picky eaters
Managing your Capricorn child
Logic works. Threats don’t.
Interminably busy, these children are often convinced that life is not giving them a fair deal. Can be whiny.
Managing your Aquarius child
I recommend applying alcohol by mouth.
There are two kinds of Pisces children. The serenely uncomplicated swimmer with the tide and their absolute opposites the bruised, battered and scarred children who spend all their lives battling upstream.
Managing your Pisces child
The serene sort need no management, the other buggers are unmanageable.
Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…