I greet you my devoted disciples, adoring fans and anyone else reading this.
I have the most thrilling of announcements to make and am shivering with excitement at the mere thought of telling you about it, eagerly anticipating your mews of delight and shrieks of pleasure as I reveal this.
You will, of course, already know that I am the much praised and feted (well the local fete did ask me to run the tombola last summer), author of ‘Fatswhistle and Buchtooth’ an expository exemplar of the science fantasy genre. But soon I shall be bursting forth into publication once more, bringing my wit and wisdom to your Kindles, iPads and smartphones.
Those two endearingly obliging ladies who run this blog have said they will assist in the endeavour as my publisher and Mumsie will be my editor – invisible and unheard, of course as a good editor should be.
[Some hopes of that you pompous little prat. Somebody has to point out what a hippopotamus you really are. And, besides which, if I said nothing I’d probably expire from the weight of spleen. Jacinta Farquar, ashamed mother.]
So soon you will be able to hold in your hands an electronic device which contains the entire sequence of lessons I have presented here entitled ‘How To Start Writing A Book.’
Oh, I can just see your excited faces turned up to mine, like baby-birds, seeking the nourishment of literary knowledge. This, dear disciples, is my gift to you – my gift to the world. My legacy in the archives of literary education.
But, alas, there is much to be done before that moment can come to pass and I, your proud pedagogue, must be retired from public professions on this blog for a time so that I may work to finalise this, my encapsulated masterclass for creating the literary giants of the future.
As they say in the popular press, watch this space for more information.
Until then, mes petites, à bientôt.