Dai and Julia – Secrets

In a modern-day Britain where the Roman Empire never left, Dai and Julia solve murder mysteries, whilst still having to manage family, friendship and domestic crises…

Dai watched the familiar countryside roll by and tried to forget, rather than obsess about, the fact that he was lying to his bride of less than a month – and on two issues. Well, lying by omission. He had promised himself he was not going to keep anything from her about his working life. She had lived it herself and her security clearance had been higher than his until his sudden promotion.
Even his friend, and newly appointed Senior Investigator, Bryn Cartivel had warned him. Slapping him on the back the day before Dai’s wedding as they were taking a final drink in the Londinium taberna that had seen so much of their custom over the previous eight years.
“Two bits of advice from a long-married man to one about to take the plunge. One is never forget she is always right, even when you think you are and two – never – and I mean never – keep secrets from her.” Bryn burped loudly and adopted a fatherly look. “You see, if you get to the day you think you’re always right and she’s wrong or start finding there are things you can’t tell her – well, that’s the day your marriage hits the rocks.”
“You can’t tell your wife everything,” Dai protested. “I mean half the stuff from work is -”
“Everything she wants to know,” Bryn cut over his protest, then dropped a heavy wink. “But then my Gwen she’d know if I was keeping things from her. She’s descended from a long line of Druids on her mother’s side.”
The trouble was Bryn was right and these were things Julia would want to know – things Dai wanted to tell her. But it was not in his hands. These were secrets he had been ordered to keep from her.

The first had arisen in a conversation with the Tribune in charge of the praetorians in Britannia – Decimus Lucius Didero, foster-brother to Julia. He had summoned Dai on the pretext of a meeting about some legality around the marriage and had not been at all repentant about his duplicity.
“This is serious, Llewellyn and is a big part of how I swung this post your way. Our intelligence people are saying that a lot of dangerous contraband is getting in through the coast there and Viriconium is the hub of it. We need someone who is accepted by the British community and who we can trust. You fit the bill.”
“And here I was thinking I got the job on my merits as an Investigator alone.” Dai made no attempt to keep the cynicism from his tone. He had been wondering why this had come his way and was not too surprised to find it had been for reasons other than those put out for public consumption.
Decimus grinned at him.
“Well my sister falling for your baby-blue eyes helped as well,” he admitted, then he switched back to the clipped tones of before. “As if the smuggling isn’t enough we are talking a major anti-Roman group somewhere in the area and they have their fingers deep in our pies. We need to know who they are and how they are being financed and supplied before they start out on a major terrorist campaign. I’m sending you out with twenty of my lads under their own decanus, a good man Brutus Gaius Gallus. You may need them. We have no idea how high or deep this thing goes – even the Magistratus is not in the clear. So trust no one there and I mean no one.”
Dai took a moment to digest the implications. He had known it was going to be hard enough taking on a post he had been over-promoted to fill. But he had been looking forward to learning his way in and doing so with Julia’s sharp insight and wisdom to help. But Decimus had just taken that fond daydream of a bucolic honeymoon easing into things and blown it away. He realised now why, when he had asked for permission to relocate with some of his old team he had not met with more resistance.
“Julia will need…”
“Julia will not be told anything about it, Llewellyn.” Decimus sounded almost ferocious. Then he drew a breath and sighed. “She has been through too much, I am not having her dragged into this. She needs a chance to have some simple happiness with no more to worry about than what colour she wants to paint the guest bedroom.”
Which, Dai reflected rather grimly, probably showed more of wishful thinking on Decimus’ part than any true understanding of what Julia would want or need.
“I think she might notice Brutus Gaius Gallus and his men hanging around,” Dai said pointedly. “My wife is many things, but she is neither unintelligent nor unobservant.” And you of all people should know that, he added in the privacy of his own mind.
“Relax, Llewellyn. They have an official reason for being there and wandering around wherever. Amongst his other talents, Gallus once served as a bandmaster and all the men with him can play instruments. They are going to be there to learn some traditional British music as part of a ‘Hearts and Minds’ Arts initiative – a real one, believe it or not, from those effete, money-wasting idiots in Rome. But it gives them the cover we need for this, so some good comes out of it.”
It was sounding more and more complex and Dai’s heart plummeted.
“So you are pitching me in against smugglers, terrorists, corrupt Roman administrators, and whoever is behind them?”
Decimus pulled a face.
“You about have the size of it. But you are not exactly going in alone. You’ll have my praetorians and your own people and as soon as you have anything solid we can act on I’ll bring half a legion in to clean up if need be. But we can’t pounce until we have a target.”
“Don’t you have undercover people doing that kind of stuff? I don’t see how I’m going to succeed where they have failed.”
“This is deep Britannia, Llewellyn,” the Tribune reminded him. “The arse end of the Empire, hanging over the edge half the time. Hell man, you should know you grew up there. These are people who only trust someone they have known from birth and who has a British pedigree you could unroll from there to Londinium. We don’t have that many such people just lying around – in fact we have one. You.”

From Dying for a Poppy by Jane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook

How To Be Old – A Beginner’s Guide! (14)

Advice on growing old disgracefully from an elderly delinquent with many years of expertise in the art – plus free optional snark…

You are old and that can’t be much fun
You should sit home and live like a nun
But you’ve pierced both your nipples
And you rode a Speed Triple
Round the Nurburgring clocking a ton

Jane Jago

Acetic

Like onions in a bottle
Fat and white we float
Hemmed about by vinegar
Pickled lest we vote
The silverbacks ignored us
Until we made a joke
Misunderstood the acid
Resent the fun we poked
Insulted by our rigour
They stun us with their smoke
Acetic, icy, broke

Jane Jago

Aeva’s Challenge – II

A tale of angels, demons and dragons…


For a moment there was shocked silence, then the Fighters turned as one entity and looked at the slight grey-clad figure. She opened her robe and dropped it to the floor before turning her back and sliding her undervest down to expose her shoulder blades and the deep irregular scars where her father’s obsidian knife had sawn away her wings.
To her surprise, the largest of the Fighters stepped forward and picked up her robe – settling it about her body with huge, but almost unimaginably gentle hands. He turned her to face him, and bent the knee.
“Ego sum servus tuus.”
The other Fighters followed suit, bending the knee and vowing themselves to Aeva’s service. Until only one was left. Holding himself aloof. His mouth was set in a thin line and his eyes glittered with anger.
Aeva looked at him.
“I am the creature of one Master. I will not swear servitude to any other.”
“Very well then, you are discharged from this detail.”
He glared at her. “You do not have the authority to dismiss me.”
“I do. And I just have.”
The Fighter made to grab her, and she laughed before grasping the hand that would have compelled her obedience if it could. She adjusted her grip and the male’s face grew pale under his blue skin. Aeva squeezed a little tighter and he fell to the floor in obvious agony. Letting go of his hand she looked down into his face.
“I truly am an Invigilator, you fool. Disrespect me at your peril.”
She turned her back and his hand came out, quick as a snake. He grabbed her ankle and made to twist the foot. Aeva sighed and put one slender finger on his head. He fell unconscious. She looked at the band of Fighters.
“Who leads?”
The giant who had replaced her robe took half a pace forwards and bowed his head as if awaiting punishment.
“I command this detail, my lady. I would apologise for that one.”
“Pfft. A creature of my father’s, no doubt, and of little account. There is no blame. But. Can you vouch for the rest of your detail?”
“I can. I would trust them with my life.”
“Would you trust them with my life?”
They faced each other in the Chamber of the Guardians, a slender female figure with the shaven head of an Invigilator and the perfectly aristocratic features of a high-caste demon, and a hugely muscled Fighter whose square-jawed face spoke of integrity alongside strength. Ironic grey eyes locked with compassionate brown and Aeva smiled.
“I guess you would at that. Now perhaps you would be kind enough to tell me what duty my beloved parent set upon you before he sent you here.”
“None, lady. My Fighters and I were simply sent here. The only unusual thing was the inclusion of an extra body. Him.” The big male indicated the unconscious figure with a jerk of his chin.
Aeva grimaced. “Lord Lucifer. Would you be kind enough to look in that one’s head?”
Before the dark lord had chance to even come close to the unconscious Fighter, another of their number spoke.
“It does not serve our Master that one. I have seen it before and it is a creature of the demoness Ishta.”
After he spoke, the silence in the chamber was such that it scraped against the nerve endings. Aeva broke that silence, although she could hear the strain in her own voice she said that which needed saying.
“The female to whom my father gifted my wings.”
In an instant she found herself surrounded by a ring of steel and corded muscle.
“Abomination.”
Voice after voice around the Chamber of Guardians took up the refrain and The Guardians hissed as Lucifer eyed them all bleakly. He seemed to be fighting some sort of internal battle as all sorts of lumps, bumps and eruptions were happening under his gleaming golden skin. Then he bulked his shoulders dangerously and made a hooking motion with his left hand. For a second, nothing happened, then a portal opened in the insubstantial air and a screaming, fighting, swearing creature was pulled through onto the Chamber floor. She, for the creature was a demoness, sat up. She happened to be facing away from her Master who had so abruptly summoned her.
“Who dares touch a creature of The Dark Lord?” The voice was harsh and truculent.
Lucifer said nothing, but his eyes must have been burning holes in her back, as she turned around slowly. When she realised where she was some of her bluster left her.
“Dark Lord.” Now her voice was honeyed and dripped sensuality.
Aeva laughed, and the demoness’ head snapped around as if it was on a spring.
“You,” she hissed and bunched her muscles to spring.
“Sile (be still),” Aeva spoke quietly, but with the full authority of her status and the demoness stopped moving.
Lucifer frowned, but the Inquisitor was not to be intimidated.
“She lives, Dark Lord. Considering that which she bears on her back I would be within my rights to stop her breath.”
“If those are indeed your wings, you do have that right.”
“Oh yes. Those are the wings stolen from my body. I feel them call.”
“Don’t listen to her Dear My Lord. She is just a jealous half-blood who nobody wants.”
Lucifer looked at his creature for a moment before reaching out a hand. The stiff figure of the demoness slid across the floor to where her master stood. He put a hand on her forehead and she seemed to shrink into herself. It took but a moment for a Lucifer to read her memories and when he had made himself cognisant of the facts he slapped the demoness across her face. She screamed a high and tearing scream so he slapped her again.
“Deceit is not permissible. You lied to me. And I indulged you because it amused me so to do. It no longer suits my purpose.” The female cringed and Lucifer laughed at her fears. “Belphegor,” he called, “attend your master.”
The bang and smell of sulphur were as nothing compared to the hulking bestiality of the creature who stood in the centre of the place staring adoringly at his master from muddy yellow eyes. Lucifer smiled and the creature bent the knee.
“Belphegor, you have long been wishful of taking a mate have you not?”
“I have.” The demon’s voice was thick with unrequited lusts and the love of pain. It scraped on Aeva’s nerves like talons on a chalkboard, but she knew when to keep her mouth shut and this truly was one of those times.
Lucifer smiled, but it was a smile that spoke of agony and degradation. He pointed a finger at Ishta. “Behold your mate. You may do with her as you will. Except that you may not kill her.”

Aeva’s Challenge by Jane Jago will continue next week

Granny’s Pearls of Wisdom – Inappropriate

Pearls of wisdom from an octogenarian who’s seen it all…

Why do they do it?

I’m as fond as the next woman of a honed, tanned and tattooed young male body (although the effort necessary to achieve it argues a worrying level of narcissism). What pisses on my strawberries big time is the unlovely sight of a fat, sweaty pensioner dressed in nothing but a snot rag and a cheese wire.

These guys are inevitably a weird shade of magenta and liberally endowed with white body hair. Their bellies precede them like sweat stained battering rams, and their pendulous breasts swing with each step of their bandy little legs.

If I could get a shotgun…

Darkling Drabble 5

A darkling drabble offers a shiver of horror in a hundred words…

The smell brought women to their front doors and prudent wives closed their windows. 

“What be that?”

The oldest among them pointed to the mouldering stones of the castle that stood high above them, and the plume of oily black smoke that hung around it.

“They’m burning a body.”

“Question is, who. Is it the old one? Or have he won again?”

The youngest wife sighed. “I don’t suppose us’ll ever know. But that knight was mighty fine.”

“Aye. But so was the old one when he first come here.”

The women shivered and went indoors away from the darkness.

Jane Jago

Word of the Day – Fantastic

In an effort to educate the nominally literate and inform those with sufficient humility to understand their own lack of comprehension, Esme offers the correct definition of misunderstood words…

Fantastic

  1. (noun – pronunciation note: Fanta stick) Wooden ‘handle’ used to eat iced lollies made from a particular brand of sweet lemonade. Example: The fantastic was now covered in melting iced lolly, which was happily running down little Jenny’s arm and making the sleeve of her cardigan a soggy mess.
  2. (noun – pronunciation note: fanta’s tick) Insect vector of itchy scrotum disease found almost exclusively in the handlers of working elephants.  Example: The population of the outlying villages was being decimated by the preponderance of fantastic disease among the young men.

If you have any words whose meaning escapes you, Esme Crockford is always happy to share her lexicographical knowledge and penetrating insight into the English language.

Dai and Julia – The Auction House

In a modern-day Britain where the Roman Empire never left, Dai and Julia solve murder mysteries, whilst still having to manage family, friendship and domestic crises…

This was one of the two major auction houses in Viriconium that specialised in antiques. It was also the place that, according to his own records, Vibius did the most trade. They had swooped on the owner just as an afternoon auction had finished.
Justina Cynddylan was a harassed-looking woman in her fifties, wearing a fine quality stola and a silver ring of Citizenship. She didn’t seem even slightly intimidated by an unannounced visit from the Vigiles when Bryn produced his ID, and flapped a hand to the stairs at the rear of the auction room when asked if they could go somewhere a bit quieter to talk.
“I don’t have much space, we can use the small store upstairs if you like. But I have nothing to hide, so why not just ask me here?” Her gaze moved past the two for a moment and she raised her voice. “Not that one, Carwyn. The dominus said he was sending someone to collect it.” Then she looked back at Dai. “I am sorry, but I do have a business to run here, so can we make this – whatever it is – as quick as possible please?”
Dai tried his best boyish smile. “Of course, I quite understand. And that is why I suggest we go somewhere quieter so we don’t keep getting interruptions that will delay us all.”
She didn’t quite melt, but the look of tense disapproval softened very slightly.
“Very well.” She led them to the rear staircase and then turned to call across the room “Gawain? Three teas and a plate of those vanilla fingers we had earlier.” A young man, presumably Gawain, put down the box he was carrying and scuttled off through a side door.
The ‘small store’ was well named in Dai’s opinion. It was a room with a tiny window, half full of boxes of bric-a-brac. The other half was occupied by an elderly leather settee and a couple of hard backed, un-matching, very British dining chairs set either side of a small pedestal-leg table. Justina perched on one of the chairs and gestured imperiously that Dai and Bryn should appropriate the settee between them. Dai did so and regretted it in the same moment as the seat sagged away deeply beneath him. He just knew that if he tried to rise he would struggle to free himself. Bryn was clearly a wiser man as he declined the settee and instead used it to display the pictures of artefacts they had taken at random from the internet.
“Do you recognise any of these, domina?” he asked before sitting on the other hard chair.
The auction room owner peered a little myopically at the images, then picked one or two up to look closely at them.
“This is in the collection of Minoan artefacts presently on display in Londinium and this,” she waved another picture, “went missing from an exhibition in Latium four years ago. The rest I could have a stab at their provenance, but I have no idea where they are now.” She dropped the pictures back on the couch and looked at Bryn accusingly. “Why are you showing me these?”
Before he could answer there was a tap on the door and the youngster Dai had seen downstairs brought in a tray of spiced fruit teas and cakes and placed it on the table, then retreated quickly from the room.
“Help yourselves if you want.” Justina waved towards the tray then looked back at the images. “I don’t see what any of these have to do with me.”
“They are not really, domina. Just some items that have been stolen over the last few years.” As Bryn spoke he offered a tea to Dai, who shook his head having decided that trying to drink whilst being swallowed into the depths of the settee would be a recipe for disaster. “We just wondered if you might recognise any of them.”
Justina glared at Bryn as if he had just propositioned her for a night of wild orgies.
“I don’t allow any stolen goods in my auction room,” she said, icily. “Everything that passes through here is checked as having the correct licences.”
“Anyone can make a mistake,” Dai suggested and the woman snorted in disgust.
“Perhaps you Vigiles can make mistakes and think no more about it – those in positions of power often seem to feel that way about life. You just shovel your mistakes under the nearest carpet and carry on regardless, with no one daring to say otherwise. But I can’t afford to make that kind of mistake. This is my livelihood. Even if I avoided criminal charges for doing so, it would ruin my reputation as a dealer with integrity and that would destroy my business.”
Dai nodded sympathetically. “Yes. I can see that. So it must have been a bit difficult for you to find out that Josephus Vibius Anser, one of your best customers, was in fact up to his neck in the illicit art and antiquities trade?”
Her face darkened.
“You are not going to try and tie me in to that. Anything and everything that man bought from me had a full and legitimate licence attached. I can give you the entire list, with origins, previous owners, prices made at each sale, everything – solid as a blockchain.”
“Thank you,” Dai said, “that would be very useful so we can eliminate you from our enquiries completely. Perhaps you could email those to us before you go home today.”
He tried to get to his feet then but having his buttocks lower than his knees and the sagging cushion enveloping him it was a little undignified. In the end, he grabbed the edge of the settee with his hands and pulled himself up. Bryn was making little attempt to hide his grin behind a teacup, which he drained quickly when Dai caught his eye. Justina Cynddylan didn’t seem to notice. She was still frowning at them her thoughts apparently elsewhere.
“If you want my opinion,” she said as Dai finally gained his feet, “you would do better asking everybody’s friend, Tony Talog. If anyone is doing things the wrong way it’s him.”
Dai searched his memory and failed.
“Tony Talog?”
Bryn cleared his throat and picked up one of the cakes. “That’d be the man who runs ‘Rara et Vetera’ isn’t it? Your local competition, domina.”
“That – that creature is not any kind of competition for me,” she said firmly. “Half what he sells as pristine originals is heavy restoration. Some so heavy they are really reproductions. I have people attend some of his auctions and they tell me some horrific tales. But it is more than just that he sells bad antiques. One of his employees was close to quitting his place and joining me. The day she put in her notice someone kidnapped her dog and two days later the poor creature appeared on her doorstep stuffed by a taxidermist. She left Viriconium the next day, I believe, at least I have heard nothing more about her since.” She glared accusingly at Dai. “And your lot didn’t lift a finger, of course. I expect the Submagistratus is getting backhanders from Talog to turn a blind eye.”
“Not at all,” Dai assured her. “I am not in the corruption business, although I can’t speak for my predecessor.”
They left her with her mouth agape looking like a stunned sheep and walked quickly from the room, down the stairs and out onto the street.

An extract from Dying for a Vacation by JJane Jago and E.M. Swift-Hook 

How To Be Old – A Beginner’s Guide! (13)

Advice on growing old disgracefully from an elderly delinquent with many years of expertise in the art – plus free optional snark…

I am old, and today I lunched well
As my squiffy legged progress might tell
For the bottle of wine
That looked really fine
Is gone – nothing left but the smell

Jane Jago

When did it get to be September?

When did it get to be September?
Where did the summer go?
The wind’s slid out of the gentle south
As autumn begins to blow
The earliest trees are painting their leaves
In hues of russet and gold
While busy squirrels fill their cheeks
And watch the nights unfold
The air round our ears is sharp and clear
Though the sky is still duck-egg pale
It feels like the days at this end of the year
Hear the whisper of winter’s cold tale
When did it get to be September?
How are the nights so cold?
Whose is that wrinkled face in the mirror?
When did we grow old?

©️Jane Jago

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