Darkling Drabble – 12

A darkling drabble offers a shiver of horror in a hundred words…

The vigilantes had been hunting her for three generations, though they no longer had any idea why. 

In a street of tamped earth next to a stockyard full of bawling beeves, they finally found her. Tiny, she was and as wizened as a season-dead black beetle, but the twin sixguns were rock steady in her hands.

The shooting commenced, and she pretty soon took four loads of buckshot which all but blew her in half.

Only she wouldn’t die. Just kept on shooting.

When they were all gone, she grinned toothlessly and turned back to her interrupted poker game.

©jj 2022

Coffee Break Read – One Zero Three

Picking up our packs we took to the kitchen roof, running barefoot and silent along the ridge in the darkness. At the far end of the kitchens, we dropped into the roof of a bank of sheds housing goats and chickens, before sliding down a convenient drainpipe into the darkest corner of the kitchen yard. From there, it was a relatively simple matter to scale a wooden fence and follow a dry ditch to the edge of the woods. Once in the woodlands, we climbed a big oak tree and settled ourselves in a comfortable crook in its crown, from whence we could command a view of the front of the building whilst remaining unseen.
Pulling on woollen socks, plus the fur-lined boots and thick coats our unknown benefactor had gifted us, we settled down to wait. It seemed to me that this raid was something outside what we had heard of before. There seemed to be many men, and much weaponry, involved. The moonlight was bright, and as we watched, a stream of servants issued from the kitchen end of the building. They were hustled off by a group of armed men. They lit out running, and we thought that the raiders had let them go. It was not so. There came a sudden yappity yap, which we realised was gunfire, and the running figures all fell to the ground. The gunmen strolled over to the bodies, laughing as they went, and emptied more rounds into the rows, just to make sure. Beside me, eight gave a low moan, and I gripped her hand tightly.
‘Shush.’ I murmured. ‘If we’re found that could be us.’
She gripped back, and I could feel the effort with which she kept silence.
Then two things happened, which at least distracted us from the callous killing of innocent serving women.
Firstly, we became aware of something, or someone, moving cautiously in the woodland below us. We froze. Then eight grabbed my shoulder in a death grip and pointed to the roof of the breeders’ place. A slight figure was racing along the ridge at breakneck speed. At first it was hard to make out who it was, and what it was wearing. I stared harder, then realised it was one zero three, and she was half naked. She reached the end of the roof, and, without abating her speed, ran gracefully along the garden wall. We held our breath. The wall top is only about six inches wide, and, she seemed to be very exposed as she ran. If anyone looked out of the windows at the back of the house, she was a sitting duck. It was a relief to see her drop to the ground, and roll into that same dry ditch we had entered from the kitchen quarters. She had further to crawl than had we, and it took many minutes before we spotted her head peeping over the earthy dyke. She gave a low tuneless whistle, which was repeated from a thicket of low-growing shrubs about twenty feet from our hiding place. We scarcely dared breathe.
One zero three leapt out of the ditch and sprinted across the moonlit turf to the concealment of the shadowy forest. We peered down and were able to make out another figure, and two horses. The other woman handed over a bundle of clothing, and we could hear our erstwhile companion’s teeth chattering as she dressed herself.
‘Is it not a bit cold for nude running?’
‘Very funny Clo. I’d not have gotten here in clinging bright pink draperies. Which is all most of the breeders are allowed. Even the two who run daily do so in pink breeches, pink shirts, and no shoes.’
‘I see. Have you found aught?’
‘No. Just more suspicions to add to the ones we had already.’
‘Well, whatever. We need to get away. Now. In case some enterprising type decides to search the woods, or strafe the trees, or set fire to them, or…’
The two women mounted up and set off cautiously, picking their way through the trees and undergrowth, careful to make no noise, and leave no trail. Neither looked back.

From The Barefoot Runners by Jane Jago.

It’s A Writer’s Life – Tools of the Trade

Writing made easy – if you don’t mind the bumps!

The wit, wisdom, joy and frustration of a writer’s life summed up in limericks…

Coffee apparently fuels
Authors and other like fools
But for my own sake
I have brandy and cake
As my preferred writing tools

Jane Jago

Mrs Jago’s Handy Guide to the Meaning Behind Typographical Errors XLIV

… or ‘How To Speak Typo’ by Jane Jago

belive (imprecation) – the opposite to be dead

cocnern (noun) – unreliable dildo

defrentiate (verb) – to unfriend in a history group 

egnlish (noun) – language of ladies who lunch

extatic (adjective) – applies only to men watching porn – exceptionally happy

gate hred (noun) – man who sits in the road by the gatehouse exposing himself to passing women

hiar (verb) – of upper-class twits to rent a posh car

improtent (adjective) – of high value but sexually incapable 

jealsoy (noun) – thick salty sauce

legmue (noun) – knee that appears to be pulling a face 

lubmer (noun) – person who thinks he’d like to be a sailor but is sick when he puts too much water in the bath 

nuremous (adjective) – of families, possessing many rodentine offspring

obnexyus (adjective) – having a very long neck

raibb (noun) – a weapon that shoots death rays and pieces of potato

seeance (noun) – three old ladies with a ouija board and a bottle of port

tuaght (adverb) – of speech, clipped and mildly threatening

tuseday (noun) – day on which it is legal to kill annoying people

vergin (noun) – pure young woman who doesn’t eat meat 

vigenar (noun) – lady bits

yur (noun) – the way year is pronounced by any royal correspondent on television 

zologoist (noun) – supernatural creature that manifests itself during seances by farting

Disclaimer: all these words are genuine typos defined by Jane Jago. The source of each is withheld to protect the guilty.

Darkling Drabble – 11

A darkling drabble offers a shiver of horror in a hundred words…

Doug was a little, skinny man who sat in the window of his little, skinny shop mending clocks. He was a fixture in the city, and as reliable as the dawn. So the day he wasn’t there there, a hunt was called. But there was no sign. The city burghers sent for a finder who led them to a half-forgotten graveyard, where a moss-encrusted headstone marked Doughall Snaith’s last resting place.

The mayor had to be revived with smelling salts and burnt feathers.

“But who has been mending our clocks?”

“Who? Or What?”

The finder flew away laughing.

©jj 2022

Coffee Break Read – A Highly Flawed Genius

What happens when the hunter becomes the hunted…

“The final Future Data field trial started five years ago and was originally focused on one man, Avilon Revid,” the woman went on, this time giving a slight, supercilious nod to Cista Tyran to acknowledge her previous mention of the name. “It seems that was something of a mistake, in retrospect.” She paused and shot a meaningful look at Jecks, who frowned.
“Right. But at the time the evidence was highly convincing,” he said, a little too quickly.
“And faked.”
“Right.”
Five years ago? Playing catch up, Grim realised, that implied Avilon Revid had not died in the Specials and had — presumably — been released. Which was probably the most chilling piece of information he had encountered so far in this briefing. No wonder there was so much secrecy being padded around this. Politically sensitive was not in it. If word that Revid had been released ever became general knowledge, there would be a massive public outcry from Central all the way out to the Periphery and so many scalps demanded that even the top echelons of Central government would not be safe. He glanced at Cista Tyran and noticed she was looking thoughtful. He had a distinct feeling that it was not news to her.
“So we have an interesting situation in which a half-run field trial has caused a number of issues and left some highly irregular loose ends. Ends we thought had been tidied up, but which seem to have re-emerged onto the scene.”
The woman sat back clearly satisfied she had said everything that needed saying. Grim, translating the obscuring words, took them to mean that despite what the presentation had implied, there was evidence that Chola and Baldrik were still alive.
“Right,” Jecks said into the strained silence. “So we have the job of clearing up a potentially critical mess. Just because the Future Data project was aborted does not mean that the consequences it was predicting have also been terminated. In the original plan, there would have been a sweep of all those — ” He hesitated fractionally, but enough for Grim to notice that he had needed to find a different word to his first choice. ” — implicated in the project to ensure none of them was left at large, endangering the security of the Coalition.”
“People like Avilon Revid?” Grim found himself asking, feeling just a little appalled at what he was being told.
Jecks shook his head. “No. Not at all.”
“Avilon Revid is dead. He died in the ‘City in a turf war,” Cista Tyran said, as though it was a well-known fact. “But seriously, sir — it’s not like — “
“Right,” Jecks cut across her. “That is a very valuable point. Avilon Revid is not an issue for us to worry about anymore.”
“And Baldrik and Chola are?” Grim asked, faintly relieved to be assured that at least Revid had not survived to make this mess worse than it looked already.
Jecks gave a half-nod and looked at the unknown woman who cleared her throat.
“Kahina Sarava is a genius. A highly flawed genius. But that does not detract from the power of her mind or the quality of her achievements. We have to take very seriously the consequences that were foreseen by her work.” She gave a tiny nod as though she had just explained everything.
“So what you are saying is that even though this Future Data project failed to predict things correctly — you still think the things it predicted incorrectly might happen?” Cista Tyran asked, her tone sweet and convincingly ingenuous. Grim found himself warming towards her.

From Iconoclast: Mistrust and Treason a Fortune’s Fools book by E.M. Swift-Hook which is only 0.99 to buy for a limited period.

It’s A Writer’s Life – Inspiration

Writing made easy – if you don’t mind the bumps!

The wit, wisdom, joy and frustration of a writer’s life summed up in limericks…

I wonder how I get inspired
Being both idle and tired
It’s surprising I’m able
To make funny fables
Perhaps it’s the booze I’ve acquired

Jane Jago

100 Acres Revisited – Yore Rap

Things are not quite how you might remember them in the 100 Acre Wood for Christopher Robin, Pooh Bear and their friends…

***** ***** *****

Jane Jago

Darkling Drabble – 10

A darkling drabble offers a shiver of horror in a hundred words…

He was a big plain-faced man with a small, brown wife. Nobody would’ve taken a moment’s notice if they hadn’t found oil on his land. 

Suddenly he was accounted handsome and his wife insufficient to his new status. They weathered the storm, until the young wife sickened and grew frail. The farmer unearthed the moppet with her hair and menstrual blood and burned it, but the need for vengeance was aroused. 

It cost a great deal of money, but he accounted it worthwhile when the smallpox left every woman in the valley scarred – except his own little brown wife.

©jj 2022

Sir Barnabas and the Dragon – Four

The tale of a bold knight, a valiant steed, an innocent maiden and a cunning dragon…

Marplot didn’t move, so Barney gave him a not too gentle shove.
“Go on, man, be about your business.”
Marplot scuttled off and Barney swore.
“We need to be not here, my friend.”
Salazar neighed at him, and he got the feeling that meant someone was about who might overhear should they converse.
Indeed, the tent flap opened almost immediately to disclose a hard faced man with the impressive muscularity of someone who takes fitness very seriously.
“Are you Barnabas?”
“I am.”
“Good. The name’s Gawain.” When Barney didn’t react, he carried on speaking. “Are you aware that a certain lady may have what we could call designs on your person?”
“I am.”
“And what do you propose to do about the situation.”
“Run like fuck!”
Which must have been the right answer because the hard face actually broke into a grin.
“That makes things nice and simple then. His Majesty was of the opinion you might be a reasonable man. I wanted some convincing, particularly when I saw that toad Marplot sneaking out of this pavilion.”
“He wasn’t here by invitation.”
“Oh. Right. Lucinda sent him did she?”
“Lucinda?”
“The Queen. You really haven’t got close, have you?”
“I have not. And I’m currently looking for a way out. Yesterday for preference.”
“Of you are serious about legging it I can help.”
Barney raised an eyebrow.
“Okay. His Majesty can help. He’s just been asked to provide a dragon hunter and…”
Barney lifted both his eyebrows.
“Yes. I know. But His Majesty has a peculiar sense of humour. However it would give you an excuse to be gone.“
“I suppose it would. Details please.”
Gawain handed over a scroll and clapped Barney on the shoulder.
“If you stay away for a couple of months she’ll forget you and set her sights elsewhere.”
Then he was gone. Barney waited a few moments before speaking with elaborate casualness.
“Salazar. How do you fancy a dragon hunt?”
“A dragon hunt? Have you completely lost your mind?”
“No. I just thought it was a good excuse to leave here. We could maybe go for a long walk together. And perhaps not come back.”
“Now you are making sense. Just as long as you aren’t proposing to ride around the countryside in an iron suit.”
“As if I would. Serviceable leather is what I’ll be wearing.”
“If that’s the case, I’m with you.”
So it was that as darkness fell a tall man and a tall horse made their quiet way out of the royal encampment and up into the peaceful hills.
It was sunrise on the very next morning when it all started to come unravelled.
Not very far away from the green meadow and its gaudy pavilions, a grey stone castle stood at the head of a metalled causeway. As the sun poked over the horizon the portcullis squealed its way upwards, the sally port opened, and half a dozen heavily armed men dragged a cloaked and chained figure across the drawbridge. The group began to climb a grassy ridge with the armed men setting a punishing pace. The chained figure stumbled, but they had no mercy, dragging their captive along in their wake. At the head of the ridge stood a rough, granite obelisk with iron rings set in its pockmarked sides. The soldiers quickly chained their small charge to the stone and jogged back from whence they had come leaving a forlorn figure spreadeagled on the cold dewy grass.
After a while, the chained one sat up. She, for it was a young woman, put back the hood from her face and surveyed her predicament. The soldiers had freed her hands, but that was of little assistance as she was chained to the rock by both ankles and by a steel hoop around her slender waist. She dropped her face into her hands.
“Princess Aurora,” she sighed. “Your beauty and virtue aren’t a lot of use to you now.”
For a moment there was despair written in every line of her body. But then she sat upright and set her chin.
“If I’m going to die,” she muttered, “I’m going to do it sitting up.”

This adventure of Barney and Salazar will continue next week…

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