When the priest placed her hand in her new husband’s she knew that this marriage was no more to his liking than her own.

He took her arm gently, and led her from the place. They walked in silence to the top of the sunlit winter pasture. He bent and took off his shoes, before kneeling to do the same for her.

“Shall we run?”

She picked up her skirts, and as her feet crushed the soft grass she felt a jolt of something so piercing and sweet that her heart leapt.

“There is joy in small things,” he laughed. 

©️jj 2021

Eritch Dragure was a large man in all dimensions. He stood by the corner bar which held real bottles, not a standard dispenser, pouring a small amount from one of the bottles into a delicate and decorative glass. As Avilon came into the room he lifted the glass towards him in a silent toast and then sank the contents in a single swallow and put it down.
“Ah. The simple pleasures, eh? I’d offer you one but it’d be a waste of a fine liqueur. I doubt you have the palate to appreciate it, son,” he said, his tone distinctly patronising. “So Vitos Ketzel, does your mistress know you are here?”
“No,” Avilon replied honestly.
“She not paying you enough? Or is your nose out of joint because you let Jaz Baldrik take your job? He’s quite bright is Jaz, knows how to land on his feet and then wedge them right under the table. That must bite.”
Avilon said nothing.
“Or am I just one of the options you are looking at? Your name has been linked with Durban Chola too. Now that is a very, very dangerous name to be linked with, son. I hope it is nothing permanent for your sake.”
“I have some dealings with him. I don’t work for him.”
Dragure nodded.
“I understand, I’m a man of business too. Which brings me to the simple question of why you are here.” He held up his hand. “No. Don’t tell me yet. I want to show you something. Give me your jacket.”
It seemed a strange request. Avilon shrugged the garment from his shoulders and handed it over. Dragure made a slight gesture towards one of the near-invisible crystal-plex walls which slid open, onto the lake.
“We keep the water here well stocked with fish,” he said and dropped the jacket. There came a frenzy of movement and the water churned. A few moments later there were shreds of fabric floating on the surface. “People have been known to just disappear,” Dragure observed in a pleasant tone of voice, then he closed the wall and turned back to Avilon. “So, you were about to tell me, why are you here?”

From Haruspex: Trust A Few a Fortune’s Fools book by E.M. Swift-Hook 

Writing inspired by the art of Ian Bristow

George was a gentle creature, slow moving even for one of his kind and deliberate of thought and speech.
When Mabel was introduced to the group, all the males hustled around her puffing out their cheeks and making their most macho grunting noises.
She ignored them, choosing instead to come and munch some fresh greens at George’s side.
When Alfred attempted to mount her she flipped him over onto his back and continued munching.
“A girl likes to be asked,” she said quietly.
It was many days before George did ask, shyly.
Mabel nodded, and they tended the eggs together.

 Jane Jago

Ian is an awesome artist and cover designer, you can find his work at Bristow Design or watch him in action on ART with IAN

“What’s an independent woman to do in a world where marrying means losing everything?”
Helena, who inherits Redway Acres stable from her grandfather, in Redway Acres – Helena (Book 1) by Trish Butler, faces the pressure to marry from those around her, her grandfather’s wishes and the local community. However, in 1813 when the main story starts, the law states “by marriage, the husband and wife are one person in law: that is, the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage.”
What can Helena do when she meets Colonel Nathaniel Ackley, who is determined to prove he is worthy of her love?

Helena visited the Eastease estate for a dinner. There she met Colonel Nathaniel Ackley. His father, the Earl of Aysthill, attempted to get into her bedroom that night but was stopped by the colonel who then slept in the corridor outside to be sure his father didn’t return…
Bright morning sunbeams slanted through the open curtains in Helena’s room, awakening her from a light sleep. She had roused off and on during her few, short hours of slumber. Again, she had dreamt of Colonel Ackley kissing her, waking with a throbbing and frustration through her body as she had never known before.
Tiredness, coupled with this frustration, brought her anger to the fore, and many ideas went through her mind as she dressed. She sat in front of the mirror, loosely pinning up her hair, discussing the matter with her reflection.
“What right does Colonel Ackley have to make me feel this way?” she asked, her hands in her hair and pins in her teeth.
Her reflection smiled as she removed the pins to speak. “None. None whatsoever. But Grandfather did say you should find someone to help run Redway.”
“I do not need a man in my life. I manage Redway well enough without one, thank you,” she chided.
The Helena in the mirror sighed. “You could manage even better with one. Why not this man when you find him so appealing? You simply do not wish to marry and give up your independence.”
“Why are you talking of marriage? I do not know the first thing about him,” she argued with herself.
Her reflection counted on her fingers. “He is handsome, certainly, and charming, gallant and honourable. He is also thoughtful and handsome.”
Pointing a hairpin towards the mirror, she admonished, “You already said handsome. Well, it will not do. I will leave this house and not return until the entire Ackley family has left. He will probably die in France fighting Bonaparte, and then I will never have to see him again.”
With a gasp, she clamped her hand over her mouth and stared wide-eyed, mortified with herself. Her tired, glassy eyes filled with tears as her reflection shook her head.
“That is shameful. Poor Harriet already lost her stepfather to war. She would be distraught if the same happened to her cousin.”
With a last abashed look into the mirror, Helena picked up her bonnet, leaving her things for the maid to pack and send back with Issie. Cautiously, she opened the door.
Colonel Ackley lay on the couch. His eyes were closed, and he hugged the bunched coverlet tight to his chest, which she thought odd, as more warmth would have been gained had he draped it over himself. Helena contemplated not waking him, but it would not do for a servant to find him thus. She imagined the colonel had spent a miserable night on that uncomfortable couch, and guilt felt heavy in her belly.
“Colonel Ackley,” she said softly, then a bit louder, “Colonel.”
“What the blazes!” he almost shouted it, and her hand came down over his mouth in reflex to stop him waking Harriet in the next room. Horrified that she should do such a thing, she quickly took her hand away.
“Sorry,” she whispered, “but you were loud. I wanted to let you know you can go back to your rooms before the servants come, and also to say thank you.” With that, she hurried down the hall and did not dare to look back at him.

A Bite of… Trish Butler

How much of you is in your characters?

The heroine of my first Redway Acres novel, Helena, I call my alter-ego. She is the me I imagine myself to be. Confident, headstrong, kind and generous. She speaks her mind, particularly when defending someone she feels has been wronged. She will stand up to the Earl of Aysthill (Nathaniel’s father) or the local clergyman Eliot Brooks. Defending and caring for horses seems to be what gets her into the most trouble.

Is there one of your books of which you are more proud than the others? If so, which and why?

I’m most proud of my first book in my mystery series. It’s called Ctrl+Alt+Deleted. Mysteries are my favourite genre, so writing one was something I was not sure I could do and be happy with. The fact that so many people have told me they did not guess the culprit until very close to the end gives me the warm and fuzzies!

Who was the first musician/singer to make an impact on your life? And can you remember the song?

Annie Lennox. What an amazing voice and woman. I’d feel very intimidated if I ever met her. Sweet Dreams of course is The Eurythmics most iconic song. However, her song Pavement Cracks means the most to me now as my daughter loves it too and we sing it in the car together.

Similarly, can you recall the first book that grabbed you by the gonads and shook your world?

“I is for Innocent” by Sue Grafton, and it’s not because I thought A through H were bad! Tampax had an offer going on back in the 80s. You could collect the tokens from their boxes and send off for a book. This is the one I got.

Sue Grafton got me into mysteries and also, without me knowing it at the time, the strong female lead. Kinsey Millhone was the average, yet brilliant, independent, ass-kicking, murder-solving PI of Grafton’s alphabet series written back when it wasn’t ‘the popular thing’. Millhone was like a dog with a bone—sunk her teeth in and didn’t let go.

Trish Butler is the author of the Historical Fiction saga, Redway Acres, and a contemporary detective series based in the fictional New Jersey town of Rockmond.
Born in Norwich, in the county of Norfolk, England, Trish moved to Connecticut in the US, in 1999. Her daughter was born there two years later.
Currently, Trish works as Communications Director for Connecticut Family Support Network (CTFSN) a non-profit organisation that helps families with children with special needs. Trish’s daughter is on the autism spectrum.
Redway Acres, which Trish calls Pride & Prejudice with horses and a healthy dollop of feminism, is set during the early 1800s in Lincolnshire, Cambridgeshire and Norfolk, UK, an area that she knows well. Over the past nearly twenty years, Trish has got to know the tri-state area well too, and hopefully enough American English terms to make her contemporary mystery book sound authentic.
Trish always wanted to write a book and at age fifty, finally realised that dream. She now has six in the Redway series, and so far, one book has been published of her Rockmond PD Mysteries. Late in 2020 the first in a companion series for Redway Acres was published.
You can catch up with Trish on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Goodreads, Pinterest, Bookbub or read her blog on how Redway Acres began and her character, The Road to Redway, on her website.

It’s difficult to be afraid when your mind and body have been so augmented that you can no longer feel pain, and although Figgis was outnumbered he crawled into a scrape in the ground beneath his enemies’ transport. 

Whistling soundlessly, he attached one of the limpet mines from his belt then snake-wriggled onto the shelter of the one stubby tree the oasis boasted.

Another entity might have felt a stirring of pity when the slavers herded the children into their transpo just before it exploded.

But it’s difficult to be human when your emotions have been scientifically scraped away…

©️jj 2021

Built upon an asteroid, these mighty habitation towers are the final stronghold of humanity in a star system ravaged by a long-ago war. Now, centuries after the apocalyptic conflict, the city thrives — a utopia for the rich who live at the top, built on the labours of the poor stuck below…

Joah was already relaxing in soothing bubbles when a mostly naked Heila slipped into the room and slid, mermaid-like, into the tub. If Joah had not been so worried about Zarshay, she would have had more time to appreciate that.
“You were right,” she told Heila, “this is very relax— ”
“Never mind that,” the other woman almost snapped at her. “Please tell me you do know you have been monitored since the whole ‘curse’ thing took off, and that someone bugged your apartment yesterday — and may have managed to get something in your clothing.”
Joah thought of the nice police officer and grimaced.
“I thought it might come to that before we were through. But how did you know?”
“How do you think? Zarshay told me, of course.”
Joah sat suddenly upright in the bath.
“Where is she? Is she all right? Why didn’t she tell me she was going to do something?”
“For goodness sake, sit down. I do not want an eyeful of Zarshay’s privilege, thank you very much.” Joah sank back and Heila waved a hand in mock relief as she went on talking. “I don’t know where she is, she said something about taking the opportunity to go visit her family. I am very sure she is all right and will be home sometime today or tomorrow. And she didn’t tell you because we all know you can’t act to save your life. And she didn’t tell Dog because he would have told you the moment you asked him.”
“What?”
The intense relief was shifting into anger. Heila gripped her wrist, hard.
“Now stop that. You were the one who told us all to remember this was not a game. We needed this to clinch our case.” She made an impatient huffing noise. “Besides, Zarshay insisted you be told first thing this morning. Can you imagine how horrible it has been for me to have to be up so early? I told her it would be so much better for you not to know and do a public appeal for her safe return. Tears and baggy eyes, and back shots of Zarshay looking cute and vulnerable.” She sighed and released Joah’s wrist to clasp her hands together under her chin and sigh wistfully. “It would have been such a perfect romantic scene.”

It was the following day Joah found the new paper bird pinned to the board in her booth, just like in the old days. With careful fingers she released it and cupped it in her hands as if it were a living thing. Then she reached out to re-pin it gently, flying with the rest. She was almost smiling as she sat down and started work. Trust and hope carried her through that day, and the next, and the next; she even weathered the suspicion, and the second police interview, without cracking, but it was hard to be alone with the mounting pressure of doubt and fear. Surprisingly, it was Heila’s unobtrusive support that pulled her through. The actress knew precisely when to be silent and when to put in an acidic comment that stiffened Joah’s spine.

She was working in the sound booth, adding some Zarshay words synthed by her modulator to go with the virtual Science Officer Xexe Chay. She didn’t hear any footsteps, but she knew without hearing. Maybe it was the slight trace of a scent or maybe it was something deeper and inexplicable. But she was already turning her chair and getting to her feet when Zarshay came into the booth.
For a moment her intense anger and anxiety reared up between them and Joah felt frozen to the spot. Then Zarshay closed all the distance that created the division and Joah’s arms opened by an instinct so much deeper than those emotions that they no longer mattered. Nothing did, except that they were there, together. They clung to each other for what seemed forever.
“I’m sorry,” Zarshay whispered “I had to wait for it to be safe. If I had even tried to contact you—”
With an effort of will Joah released her and stood back. She knuckled a wayward tear and wondered what had changed, what to say, but was saved as the studio door burst open.
“Did you get to hear the news?” Dog called out sounding excited.
Joah gripped Zarshay’s hand and the two turned to face him. “Hear what? I’ve been setting up here so not checked my feed in a while.”
“Oh hello Zarshay, glad you’re back. It’s all over the media that the last big business backer pulled out and the President’s office has said the project is being ‘postponed indefinitely’.”
Zarshay was grinning. “That’s political speak for ‘cancelled’, Dog.”
Heila’s sharp tapping footwear could be heard on the studio floor approaching the booth, just ahead of her voice.
“It’s the most dreadful news isn’t it, darlings?” she said as she joined them. “That stupid curse thing — and all those idiots believing it too. And of course, no one will back the project; who wants to have their brand linked with something everyone is calling unlucky?” Her expression was serene and smiling in direct contrast to the fretful sound of her voice. “But the good news is our ratings are rocketing with the free publicity. Starways Pathfinders is even getting viewers from the mainstream demographics now, and I have been asked to do a round of chat shows to talk about it.”
Dog made a sound suspiciously like a growl.
“Bastards just want to watch to see one of us have something bad happen.”
“Don’t be silly,” Heila said, taking his arm almost possessively. “We are not a live show.”
“You try telling them that.”
“Not our problem, darling. Besides, now Zarshay is back I think the curse may have just run its course,” Heila said, drawing him away towards the studio door. “She is our lucky charm. But what is our problem is all this publicity. You need to come with me so I can talk you through what you and I will be doing for the next few weeks. We have chat show couches to decorate, darling.”
She paused on the threshold to glance back and drop a conspiratorial wink at Joah and Zarshay, before herding Dog through the door and letting it close behind her, leaving them alone together.

Star Dust by E.M. Swift-Hook, originally appeared in The Last City, a shared-universe anthology. This version is the ‘Author’s Cut’ and differs, very slightly, from that original.

Next week we start a new Sunday Serial and introduce the adventures of Piglock Homes and his sidekick Doctor Bearson in ‘The Affair of the Dartymuir Dog‘.

Don’t buy flowers
Or paper vows
Don’t buy chocolate kisses
We’ve had too many hours
Together now
For foolishness like this is
We don’t need a day
To be set aside
On which love is renewed
We don’t need to play
The groom and the bride
To remember the thing that is true
Yours is the hand
Yours is the mind
From which I will never part
My wedding band
Is the lasting kind
And so is the love in my heart

©️jj 2021

Lupercalia MDCCLXXVIII Anno Diocletiani

It was Lupercalia, the day when everyone celebrated romance – and it’s close friend fertility. The shops were full of silly cards and chocolate wolves, and the flower sellers all had sudden hikes in their prices. Dai Llewellyn sat opposite his diminutive wife at the breakfast table and inwardly debated whether she had truly forgotten the date, or she was playing a deep game of her own. Whichever way Julia went on this one, he was convinced he had the situation covered and he carefully camouflaged an inner smile.
He finished his porridge and leaned over to kiss Julia’s pink mouth. She responded with her usual flattering ardour and he put up a hand to ruffle her dark curls.
“Work calls. I won’t be back until supper time. Is there anything you want from Viriconium?”
“I don’t think so. See you later.”
He kissed her again and went out to where his personal all-wheel awaited him. To his surprise, Julia’s bodyguard, Edbert, was leaning casually against the vehicle. The great wolfhounds Canis and Lupo stood with him, waiting for their morning walk.
“You haven’t forgotten what day it is, I hope.”
“No. You’re all right. I have it covered.”
The huge northerner mimed mopping his brow and sloped off. Dai got into the driving seat and allowed himself a smug grin.

He pulled up outside Bryn’s square stone-walled house and tooted cheerily. His friend and second-in-command ambled out with a grin from ear to ear, greying hair tied back and a doorstep of bread and honey in one hand. He climbed aboard and favoured Dai with a straight look.
“I hope you have remembered what day it is?”
“Why does everybody think I need reminding of an over-commercialised randomly-chosen date? Surely my wife knows I love her without some sort of overpriced gift?”
Bryn eyed him narrowly.
“I hope for your sake you’re winding me up, Bard.”
“I am. Here. Look.”
Dai took a red velvet pouch out of his tunic pocket and spilled the contents onto the palm of his hand. Bryn barely looked, instead he stuck his head out of the vehicle window and whistled shrilly. His wife opened the front door and trotted out.
“Show it to Gwen. I was told if it was jewellery she needed to make sure you got it right.”
Dai laughed and leaned out to display a silver chain bracelet from which there hung three charms.
“See,” he said, “there’s a golden ball for when I asked her to come and be my love, the disk has the date of our marriage, and there’s a wolf for Lupercalia. I can add more charms as the years go by.”
“That’s perfect,” Gwen stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek before returning to her house.
Dai put the bracelet back in its pouch and the pouch in his pocket before starting the engine and engaging drive.

They were about halfway to Viriconium when both men’s wristphones bleeped simultaneously. Bryn answered.
“SI Cartivel. What’s the panic?”
“Missing child. Cadell Glaw. The kid’s up in the hills somewhere. Parents are sheep farmers and he must have slipped out during the night. He’s three years old and the temperature is well below freezing.”
“You don’t need to ask me, man, get the tracker dogs out!”
“No can do. They are on their way back from Eboracum where there was that big jailbreak. Won’t be here until tomorrow morning. We can’t wait that long.”
“No. We can’t.” Bryn looked at Dai questioningly.
“Alright. Get the address and then call Edbert. Canis and Lupo would appear to be our only chance. Julia will lend them gladly in these circumstances.”

Some two hours later, and it was perishingly cold out on the hill. The farming couple were small dark-haired folk, who quickly understood what Dai had in mind. The man shut his own dogs in the barn and his wife went for a favourite toy to give Canis and Lupo the child’s scent.
“We tried our sheepdogs,” the man said quietly, “but they couldn’t grasp what we wanted.”
“I don’t suppose they could, but these boys are trained to seek.”
Edbert was bundled up, looking for all the world to Dai’s eyes like a multicoloured version of one of the bears that hunted his native forests. Clad in a thick plaid winter coat, with a fur hood pulled close over his head, Edbert seemed oblivious to the cold as he put long leather leashes on the wolfhounds. When they had sniffed the stuffed sheep he snapped his fingers.
“Seek,” he said firmly. “Seek.”
The dogs cast about the farmyard quartering the ground with care, but for a tense few minutes, they could find nothing. Then Lupo’s tail went up and he gave an excited whimper. Seconds later Canis caught the same scent. Then they were off, all but dragging Edbert in their wake. Dai and Bryn got in the all-wheel and followed, leaving the farmer and his wife to wait and hope.

It was an uphill trek, and even Edbert’s formidable fitness was being tried by the rough terrain. After nearly three quarters of an hour of sinew-stretching running and careful driving,  Dai was about to call a rest halt when the dogs lost the scent in the bottom of a rocky valley. Bryn looked stricken, but Dai had more faith in the dogs who cast carefully about the scree-covered valley bottom before drawing a blank. The dogs whined and Edbert encouraged them up to the slope to where they obediently ran around seeking the elusive trail. Dai was beginning to think his faith in the hounds might have been misplaced when Canis lifted his head and gave an excited whine.
“They’ve only found it,” Bryn whispered, “they’ve only gone and found it”.
Before Dai could think of a suitable response the dogs and Edbert had breasted the rise and the hunt was on again.

They seemed to have reached the apex of the hills and the trail led across the tops now where the wind whistled unforgivingly around the stunted trees. Bryn looked increasingly grim, and Dai himself wondered how a small child dressed only in his nightshirt and dressing gown would cope with such cold or indeed, could have travelled so far on his own. Before his imagination could go any further the dogs stopped again, but this time they stood stock still pointing, with their tongues lolling and their eyes sparkling. Edbert beckoned, and Dai stopped the all-wheeler. He and Bryn jumped down.

Once they were out, it was obvious why Edbert wouldn’t take Canis and Lupo any closer. The small sleeping figure was curled up between the woolly bodies of two sheep, with his booted feet sticking out, and a lamb clutched to his chest. Bryn looked at Dai and his eyes were suspiciously bright.
“I really thought we might be looking for a body,” he said.
“Me too,” Edbert admitted in his slow, deep voice.
Dai didn’t waste time talking, he crossed to the sleeping child and put a gentle hand on the head of rough, dark curls.
“Cadell,” he said quietly, “time to go home”.
The little boy sat up and studied Dai through round black eyes.
“Ewythr,” he said and held up his arms.

It was hours later when the medicus had examined Cadell and declared him none the worse for his ordeal, and Edbert and the dogs had made their own way home, that Dai and Bryn climbed back into their transport.
“No point in heading for Viriconium, now,” Dai said genially. “We may as well knock off a bit early and go home to our wives.”
He put his hand into the pocket where his Lupercalia gift for Julia lay, only to find the pocket empty. For a moment the cold of the mountains reached in to touch his soul. He searched with increasing desperation, but it was nowhere to be found.
“Bryn,” he said in a tense thread of a voice. “I’ve lost Julia’s present. It must have fallen out of my pocket somewhere.”
Bryn smiled wryly.
“It did, Bard. Out on the hill. When you bent to pick up young Cadell.”
“What? Did you pick it up?”
“No. I didn’t even see it fall…”
Dai was sure he looked as puzzled and irritated as he felt. “What are you telling me you spado? Is it still up there on the hillside?”
“No.” Bryn put a hand in his own pocket and grinned. “It’s here. Lupo must have seen you drop it and he retrieved. He fetched it to Edbert, who gave it to me because you were busy.”
Dai took the pouch and dusted it off with a trembling hand.
“I owe that dog a great big bone.”

Glossary of Non-English Terms
Please note these are not always accurate translations, they are how these terms are used in Dai and Julia’s world.
Eboracum – we would call it York.
Ewythr – uncle
Lupercalia – once celebrated with raucous rabbles running through the street, by Dai and Julia’s day it is much more like our own Valentine’s Day.
Spado – literally ‘eunuch’, metaphorically ‘stupid fool’.
Viriconium – we would call it Wroxeter.

You can collect the Dai and Julia Mysteries as individual novellas or snag The First Dai and Julia Omnibus and The Second Dai and Julia Omnibus by E.M. Swift-Hook and Jane Jago.

Will I see next winter
Next winter, or this spring?
Shall I walk amongst the flowers
That sheltered summer brings?
Will I watch the harvest,
Or e’en the wheat turn gold?
Or will I fade and melt away
As winter’s snow grows old?

Will I wake tomorrow
To find another day?
Will I rise and go and do
The ordinary way?
Shall I see the sun again
After a normal night?
Or will the dark embrace too close
And take me from all sight?

I want to see this winter
Turn once again to spring,
To walk amongst the fields of flowers
As summer’s coming in.
I want to wake tomorrow
To an ordinary day
But I grow old and surely know
I soon must go away.

E.M. Swift-Hook

The Working Title crew bring you the exclusive opportunity to enjoy again the mysteriously enigmatic Madam Pendulica…

Aries

The cuddly lambs of the zodiac. Scratch an Arian between the ears and gambol about in the grass with them and you will have a lover for on whom you can depend.

Never show an Aries any harsh behaviour. They will run away.

Taurus

The laziest of lovers a Taurus will always be torn between making love and having a nice rest. Be gentle in your expectations and a Tauren will be faithful for life.

Never get between a Taurus and a bed, you will be crushed.

Gemini 

This sign never knows what it wants in a relationship. One face is absorbed in the relationship of the moment while the other is looking about for something new. Unsettling.

Never leave your Gemini lover alone with your best friend.

Cancer

Cancerians have a propensity towards the less gentle pleasures of the bedroom and are prone to pinching. Keep the upper hand and your love life will never be boring.

Never allow a Cancerian anything sharp.

Leo

The lion likes to roar and loves to be admired, but is mostly only interested in his or her own gratification. Purr a bit and they will know how to treat you.

Never have a mirror in the bedroom with a Leo or you won’t stop them admiring themselves for long enough to enjoy any physical closeness.

Virgo

The conundrum of the zodiac. Virgo lovers pretend disinterest and even dislike although in truth they are virtually insatiable. Keep fit if you want to stay in a relationship with a Virgo.

Never believe a Virgo headache, it’s just a ploy to make you work harder at convincing them.

Libra

While your Libra lover is weighing the consequences of each and every action and embrace, you will be able to get in plenty of nice naps. If you are not bothered by speed or continuity a Libra will get there in the end.

Never offer a Libra any choices or you will lose the will to live while they consider.

Scorpio

If you want affection avoid Scorpios like the plague. Ditto if you want fidelity or kindliness. However, if you want your bottom spanked… Experimentation is meat and drink to Scorpios so expect the unexpected.

Never let your Scorpio handcuff you to the bed. They may just find it amusing to leave you there.

Sagittarius 

The lover with the truest aim. Sagittarians are true bedroom athletes and satisfaction is guaranteed. Enjoy.

Never expect a good night’s sleep 

Aquarius 

The workaholics of the zodiac. Love is just another burden to this lot. But if you can wrest the water pot away from them they make charming lovers.

Never allow an Aquarius to bring their work into the bedroom.

Pisces

Cheerfully amoral, Pisceans are extremely able lovers and very good company. Open a bottle of something expensive and prepare to enjoy the ride.

Never let a Pisces see you care. It frightens them off. 

Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…