Madam Pendulica’s Predictions for March

Take this exclusive opportunity to explore the mysteries of the zodiac through the wisdom of the esoterically enigmatic Madam Pendulica…

Aries. 

Be very careful this month as there is a very real possibility of leading your followers up a blind alley and being trampled to death when they panic.

Taurus.

This is not a month for locking horns with your enemies. Better to ruminate for a while before moo-ving into the attack.

Gemini.

Be very careful when crossing roads this month. Always look both ways…

Cancer.

This month the best way to deal with almost any situation is to scuttle away. Sideways.

Leo.

The new moon will see you needing to wake up and shake your golden mane in order that nobody sees how lazy you actually are.

Virgo.

Prim your mouth and pull up your sensible panties, somebody is after your cherry. Resist at all costs

Libra.

Weigh your options carefully as this month will offer many opportunities for vacillation and the refusal to make decisions.

Scorpio.

Whatever it is you are doing now, stop it. Say sorry nicely and don’t do it again.

Sagittarius.

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune are out to get you this month. Hide.

Capricorn.

This is not a good month for giving way to your goatish sexuality. Celibate Capricorn’s will do well

Aquarius.

Drink plenty of water this month. 

Pisces.

This month you must swim with the tide. No going upstream to spawn. That way lies madness.

Madame Pendulica predicts she will return…