Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV Advises on Preparing to Write

Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV takes time from his immensely important life to proffer profound advice to those who still struggle on the aspirational slopes of authorhood…

Dear Reader Who Writes,

Or dare one call you RWW as we are such chums now. To those few who still may not know who I am, I bid you welcome. My name is Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV – that’s Ivy to my friends, of which number one is sure you will soon count yourself. You will no doubt have acquainted yourself with my brilliant and inventive novel, a seminal work exploring the furthest conceptual reaches of science fiction and fantasy “Fatswhistle and Buchtooth”. It is, one feels, a book that speaks to the very soul of humanity and artistry.

But quietly now my children, while one picks for you the finest flowers of one’s exceptional mind…

Preparing to Write

There is a myth among one’s less stellarly talented detractors that to write is but to be seated in front of the writing machine. Ah, would that it were so simple. Would that one could summon the Muse from her flowery bower by the simple application of the buttocks to a suitably cushioned chaise.

The facts are rather more heartrending, residing as they do in the depths to which creativity can drag the artist in search of the mot juste. Our forefathers placed their faith in the inspirational qualities of the demons that are alcohol and addictive substances. Do not tread that route my pupils, for therein lies the route to perichondriation. The body of a genius is a temple to the goddesses of beauty and truth, and the divine Calliope may only be summoned to enter such a plot of fertile soil by the twin stratagems of aromatherapy and meditation.

My own secret recipe of essential oils and the contemplation of my perfectly white and clean toeshells seldom fails to bring the lady of letters to stand at my shoulder and sprinkle the stardust of genius upon my words.

However, one must caution you against certain verboten fragrances, aromas known to congest the senses and impede the ingress of inspiration. Patchouli, that siren of psychedelia, is one such unfriend as is everything with ‘musk’ in the name. That word itself is descended from the Sanskrit for ‘testicle’ which is sufficient reason of itself to delete this foul precursor of sexual depravity from your lexicon of preparatory perfumes. Also to be avoided is anything that belongs in the department culinaire which, by virtue of close affinity to victuals, bestirs the stomach and curdles creativity – cinnamon and ginger, vanilla, basil or bay – unless one is writing a recipe book, of course.

So, as the siren song of the Muse fills the exquisitely receptive, virgin marble temple of my mind, I must leave you, my RWW chums. I shall ease this parting with a little homework for your starved and tiny souls. Seek your perfect writing aroma and have it by your side when I return to pontificate upon the correct orchestral accompaniment to the mental struggle of bringing your vision of the ultimate histoire to the blank screen affront your eyes.

Until soon my disciples. Ecrit Bon!

Moonbeam Farquhar Metheringham IV

You can find more of IVy’s profound advice in How To Start Writing A Book courtesy of E.M. Swift-Hook and Jane Jago.